Just like that awkward first date...

I'm sure that you are very curious as to what this post could be about because of my title. Well it is actually about the importance of prayer. IF there is one thing that I wished I could be blessed with and something that I continually hope for is that I will one day greatly desire to pray. I could read scripture all day, but something about prayer doesn't come naturally to me. Eventually I hope it will be a part of me just like breathing, but for now it is something that I have to work at, to continually practice the discipline of because it is so rewarding.

It has been a long time up until tonight that I have truly prayed and sought to enter into the Lord's presence. Sure, I have scribbled a prayer in my journal when I felt obligated or guilty, or when something was really really wrong, but I have not wanted to converse with God. Over the summer, Deb Entsminger and Sam Hull really taught me a lot about prayer through example, but somewhere along the way, I started to forget the benefits and beauty of it. I recently told Erin about my difficulties in this area, which was something so difficult for me. There is so much apart of me that deeply values what other people think of me; I am a people pleaser. Erin is a prayer warrior, so it was difficult for me to tell her that I was struggling, that I wasn't this perfect Christian who always wanted to pray and seek after the Lord. It was hard to be vulnerable with her even after I had been so many times in past. And just like her answer to all of my life's questions and struggles, Erin said to me, "Lauren, you need to pray." She took me as I was and just told me to get it over with.

Well tonight I finally did. I decided I was going to get it over with and see if God really wanted to talk to me still after I had been ignoring His call for months. He did   :)   It felt like an awkward first date. It was like I couldn't remember how to pray or how to communicate with God. It was like speaking with your childhood best friend after not seeing each other for years. We know so much about each other, but I could not communicate. I was nervous and fidgety. I sat on my bed for a couple of minutes in just silence, just working up the courage to talk to God. I knew that if I didn't feel his presence, that I would be devastated. I finally broke the ice and started talking. It was like everything came flooding out; the dam had finally broken. I poured out everything that I had been keeping to myself, even those things that I hadn't admitted to myself yet.

It was so wonderful. To feel the Lord sweep over me and through me was a beautiful experience. It felt just like I was returning home. The initial first date awkwardness was over and out of it was a natural outpouring. Why I decided to fall out of contact with the Lord, I have no idea. All I know is that it was terrible. There is no worse thing, than to be separated from God. And nothing can separate us, but I had chosen to distance myself from the Lord. The good thing is though, He pulls us back into His welcoming arms. Prayer and constant communication with God is so important. I never want God to feel like a stranger or a first date, but like a life-long Friend, Father, Redeemer, Savior, King, and Lord.

A New Beginning...

So many of you know that I have finished my journey through the Old Testament. It has been a good 2 year long journey, where the Lord has taught me a lot. I am now moving into the New Testament. I have decided to read through the gospels and just soak in Christ.

Tonight when we were having a prayer and worship night at the pirate house, I started reading Matthew. I read the first 4 chapters and was totally amazed at how dense the New Testament is. Matthew 1 starts off with the genealogy of Christ. I was reading it and realized that only 5 times does it mentions who someone's mother was. Most of the time it is so and so the father of so and so. But occasionally it breaks from this and mentions the mother as well. This must mean that there was something spectacular about her. Something that made the historians realize that her story MUST be included and remembered. Hannah and I are starting to look through the women of the Bible in our 1-1's starting this week and what it looks like to be a woman of God. I think that these 5 women would be a great place to start.

1. Tamar 
2. Rahab
3. Ruth
4. "...whose mother had been Uriah's wife." or Bathesheba
5. Mary the mother of Jesus

I can't wait to dive into these with Hannah and see what the Lord will be teaching us.

"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew." Matthew 4:18\a

• I love that this says that Jesus was walking. Jesus did not sit on his butt and wait for his disciples to come and find him. He sought them out and found them. He looked for those that he wanted to follow him and was active in it. 

"They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen." Matthew 4:18b

• At first glance, this verse is very easy to skip over. The thing is though, this verse can tell us more about our identity and actions that any "How-To" book. This says that Peter and Andrew had their identity as fishermen. It is how they made their livliehood. It is was the were DEFINED by. What they were DEFINED by determined their ACTIONS. They were casting the net because they were fishermen. If we have our identity as a disciple of Christ, what actions prove that? As a student, I study. As a disciple of Christ, we should make disciples, love and forgive; to give the grace that has been given us. OUR IDENTITY DETERMINES OUR ACTIONS!

"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will send you out to fish for people." vs. 19

• Jesus doesn't play around. He is very upfront with what he is calling Peter and Andrew into. He doesn't say, "Come, follow me, so that I can turn you into someone who goes to church more or reads their bible more or can memorize a ton a scripture." While these things are good, he says my mission is to TRAIN you to MAKE MORE DISCIPLES. Jesus doesn't try to hide it or spring it on them after they are already too committed.

"At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John." vs 20-21a

• Jesus doesn't stop with Peter and Andrew. HE KEEPS GOING. You can't say that once you have made one disciple while you were in college or a young adult that you have completed your end of the bargain. It is a life mission, something that keeps on going. 

"They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets." vs. 21b

• Their identity as fishermen, not only determined their actions, but it DETERMINED THEIR LOCATION. These men were on a boat because that is where the fish were. As a student, you can find me at Georgia Tech, a college campus. As a disciple of Christ, you should find me in the darkness as a light to those around me. You shouldn't find me in my "holy huddle" of only Christian friends, but you should find me in the muck and grind looking for those that I can share the Good News with. We need Jesus to wash our feet because he expects us to get dirty in our travels to preach the Gospel. 

"Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him." vs. 22

• Do I immediately follow when God calls me to go somewhere or to do something? Most of the time I argue or ask questions to post-pone it. They didn't even gather anything. They didn't say goodbye to their father or mother. They IMMEDIATELY left what they were doing. They left their lives and everything that was familiar and comfortable to them. 

Essentially, this is what I have been learning and the observations that I have made. I was amazed to get all of that out of 4 verses. I'm excited to see where God will take me next. 

Jonah and I. Two Peas in a Pod?

"In my distress I called to the Lord,

and he answered me.

From the depths of the grave I called for help,

and you listened to my cry.

You hurled me into the deep,

into the very heart of the seas,

and the currents swirled about me;

all your waves and breakers

swept over me.

I said, 'I have been banished

from your sight;

yet I will look again

toward your holy temple.'

The engulfing waters threatened me,

the deep surrounded me;

seaweed was wrapped around my head.

To the roots of the mountains I sank down; 

the earth beneath barred me in forever.

But you brought my life up from the pit,

O Lord my God.

When my life was ebbing away,

I remembered you, Lord,

and my prayer rose to you,

to your holy temple.

'Those who cling to worthless idols

forfeit the grace that could be theirs.

But I, with a song of thanksgiving, 

will sacrifice to you.

What I have vowed I will make good.

Salvation comes from the Lord.'"

Jonah 2:2-9

Tonight at North Ave, we had a worship session that was really awesome, but I knew that my heart wasn't in the right place. These past couple of weeks has been really hard. The enemy gained a lot of ground in my life while I was just trying to stay afloat. The thing was though, I have been trying to stay afloat in the ocean of this world with a little inner-tube that I created by my own strength instead of turning to the huge rescue boat that Jesus sent just for me! Jesus has been calling out to me; to let Him rescue me and not for me to do it on my own. It is exhausting you know. It really is. 

Tonight I borrowed Kayla's bible and turned to Jonah because I hadn't had time in the Word in almost a week. I began to read Jonah's prayer to God while he was in the belly of the whale. And it hit me that Jonah and I are like two peas in a pod. I may not have been running from God but I had definitely been attempting to hide/ignore Him. I praise God that in the depths of the grave that I dig for myself continually, He hears me and lifts me out. 

Georgia Tech has really felt like the churning ocean that Jonah was tossed in. I feel like the currents of pride, self-reliance, and dependence on academics has been the seaweed that has been tangling me into the sea. The engulfing waters that threatened Jonah has been the P-Chem and Inorganic assignments that never seem to end, the Calculus that is continually hovering and pulling me under. 

The safety net of my own success or failure in school has been the worthless idols that I have clung to. I have clung to a self-relying attitude instead of a dependence on God. I have been forfeiting the grace that is offered to me. The grace that is in Christ Jesus is mine! Mine to have and to give to others.

Salvation comes from the Lord. I'm choosing to give up my own failing safety device and I'm reaching out to grab Jesus' hand to pull me aboard His rescue boat. In the storm of school, hard decisions, and life's tsunamis, Jesus can calm the sea. He did it once and He can do it again. Of that I am certain. 

A Letter From God

Dear Lauren,

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed in the box, do not hold onto it.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don’t despair. There are people in this world for which driving is an unheard privilege. Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for years. Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it is like to love and be loved in return. Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk. Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient who wishes she had hair to examine. Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity. Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember that things could be worse. You could be them!

I love you more than you can imagine. I love the person sitting right next you and I want you to love them as well as you love yourself. Have you met my Son? He died for you. Because of my Son’s sacrifice, I can directly talk to you, to send you this letter. If you haven’t met Him yet, then you should. Just have a conversation with him. He is really looking forward to meeting you.

With love,

Daddy

Our Calling

How many of you have heard that God has given us, as Christians, a calling to bear his witness to the world? To be a light in a city of darkness. To preach the gospel to those who have never heard it?

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."                      -Matthew 28:18-20

So many people have heard this verse which is commonly called The Great Commission. Missionaries are often called by this verse. To go and make disciples of all nations. They hear that and want to go to Africa, China, Japan, South America to share the gospel. Which is GREAT! But I myself have never felt the calling to do mission trips or ministry in a foreign country. For a long time, when I was younger, I thought that I must have been a bad Christian because I didn't want to go to the countries that have not heard the gospel.

If you know me, then you know that my heart is for intercity schools, specifically in Atlanta. I want to teach chemistry and I want to get an investigative bible study going in those schools. Something that people who are curious or have no knowledge can come and ask questions without being surrounded by tons of people who already know the answers. This is what I know that God has called me to. This morning in my time alone with God, I was reading in Ezekiel and felt affirmed in my calling.

You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious.     - Ezekiel 2:7

Over the summer at STP, this verse would have been very helpful. We are to speak the gospel and the WORD OF GOD, not my words, but His Word. It doesn't matter if they listen to us or fail to listen but the fact that we obey Him.

You are not being sent to a people of obscure speech and difficult language, but to the house of Israel--not to many peoples of obscure speech and difficult language, whose words you cannot understand. Surely if I had sent you to them, they would have listened to you. - Ezekiel 3:5-6

This was so affirming to hear. God doesn't send all Christians to people of a foreign country. In fact, it says that those people are more willing to listen because their hearts have not been hardened towards God and the gospel. People in America, especially in the South, have heard of the love of God for the most part. There are a few who have never heard but with a church on every street it can be difficult to avoid.

In Gatlinburg, during evangelism, the hardest thing to figure out was how to share with "cultural Christians" or those who have heard the message but don't practice or actively and daily walk with Jesus. It made me happy to realize that even Ezekiel who was a great prophet was not promised to have all people listen to him. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

I just love the way God speaks to me through the Old Testament. He keeps giving me revelation and transformation, not just information for head knowledge.

Fun and Fellowship and Fear

So today has been such a great time of fun and fellowship with my Campus Outreach brothers and sisters in Christ. I love them all so much and it has been a blessing to work with other programs. It is so good to hear the heart of other ministries and how God is using them to bring glory to His kingdom. It doesn't matter who's program is "better" or "bigger" but that all groups are coming together with the united goal to reach non-believers for Christ and to glorify His name.

First of all I want to praise God for some things. Those of you who know me and family and have for a long time will know that this is indeed a blessing. This summer has been a great time of fellowship with my sister Leah. We used to fight all the time and didn't want to be around each other. I think it is a true testament to God's power and mercy, that he has been able to change both of our hearts towards each other over the past 2 years. He has taught us how to forgive each other and also how to ask for forgiveness. Leah and I got to spend a quiet time together and it was a beautiful time with the Lord and each other. I'm so thankful for my sister, no matter what I used to say when I was younger. It has been super exciting to see Leah grow in Christ and I can't wait to see how much more she starts to look like and represent Him on Valdosta's campus as an RA. I can't thank God enough for the opportunity to help Leah grow but also to see how He moves in Leah and teaches her and guides her.

On that note, I want to share what I have been learning. Can I just say that I have grown so much this summer that I will be processing for months afterwards?! In my XTAWG (Extended Time Alone With God), basically a 4 hour quiet time that I get every Tuesday, I continued my journey through the Old Testament into Isaiah. I was in Isaiah 9 and my world got ROCKED!

The Lord spoke to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people. He said: 

        "Do not call conspiracy everything that these people call conspiracy; do not fear what they fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread..."

 When I read this I zoomed in on the fact that is says "the one you are to regard as holy" which makes me think that before that, there was something else I regarded as holy. So then I went back and read that it was talking about the things that I fear. I began to realize that when I fear things in my life, I am regarding them as holy. I am giving them this power over me in my life that belongs only to the Lord. I have put these fears of mine on a pedestal and have feared them when the person I should fear is the Lord. I also have begun to realize that when I fear things, I have let myself believe LIES about God. I have let myself think that He is not sufficient enough, not strong enough, not whatever it is that would counter my fears. So I made a list of my fears and scripture to battle those.

1. One of my fears is something that I think a lot of people can relate to. I fear that God will make me stay single all my life. This is not something that I want and I fear that God will not be enough in my life. But I am choosing to know that God is El Shaddai, the All-Sufficient One, and will be enough. I also love Jeremiah 29:11 which says, " 'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"  Now I am not saying that this is a promise to me from God for a husband but it is a promise to me from God that says whatever his plans are for me, they are GOOD!! Even if I stayed single all my life, God has good plans for me that would bring HIS name glory. And I'm choosing to battle against my fear and know that God IS enough for me. 
2. To fail to graduate from Georgia Tech with what the world tells me is a good GPA. This is a fear that many GT students can tell you is so real and a huge thing at Tech. Tech is so good about telling us how we aren't good enough, that we will never be smart enough, that we won't get a job or Co-op without a 4.0 GPA. Well my God tells me: "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" [Romans 8:32]  God doesn't tell me his will give me a 4.0 but he does tell me that he will provide for me whatever I need to accomplish HIS will for my life. Maybe not my will, but definitely whatever his will is for my life. 
3. This next fear was a little hard to recognize and so it was definitely a hard one to realize. To lose Erin Randalow at the end of the year to a job somewhere far far away. Now Erin when you read this, understand that I love you and have loved our 2 years together and can't wait for the 3rd. I think the reason why this was such a fear, is because when Erin started discipling me my freshman year of college, I really started to grow in my faith and start to make it my own. Erin taught me basically everything and I don't know where I would be without her. But I had started to equate Erin to my source. And my source can only be God. That would be an empty life if I only depended on Erin and it would be a terrible burden for her. Not that she doesn't love meeting with me, but only God can be our true source of teaching and faith.  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." [Ephesians 4:15-16] How silly would it be for a elbow to receive direction and guidance from the knee? In the same why, while Erin can give me advise and guide me, my ultimate guide must be the Head which is Christ. This summer has really begun to teach me how my faith is just that. MINE. 
4. To not be needed by someone. I think that this is a really basic fear for most people. To leave the room and have no one notice you left, or to be out of normally communication and when you come back on, no one missed that you were gone. And I love the way the Lord spoke into this fear of mine. The Lord may not need me because he is El Shaddai but he WANTS me. Even though I am a sinner, he wanted and delighted in giving me the gift of eternal salvation so that I could be with him forever. "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." [Matthew 10:29-31] The Creator and most Holy One wants to be with me and cares about me. He knows when I leave the room and he knows when I haven't been talking to him. He rejoices when I pray to him and long for him. What a good God we have. 
5. This last fear, is something that I know all girls struggle with. It is an elemental fear that Satan attacks us with. To not be beautiful to someone. Now I know that when most girls say this, we automatically say, "But your so beautiful! How do you not see it?" The thing is though, I believe that it is not just that we want outward beauty. We want to be found to be a beautiful person on the inside and we want to be of a beautiful spirit and personality. "The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord." [Psalm 45:11] God knows all my sin, all my imperfections and still finds me beautiful. He loves me and is enthralled by me. I love knowing that. 

So basically this week, I have been battling my fears. Realizing what they were and then fighting them. Making an effort to fight the lies about God that Satan whispers in my ear. I fight with Scripture and it is a daily battle but the Lord is sufficient. He is mighty in power and will not be defeated. God can overcome any of my fears.

Whew....

Who knew so much could fit into a summer? I know that it has been a while since I updated but I am sticking to my guns and I'm going to do it now. First I just want to say that I still love my job, my team and the whole program. This summer has been too amazing to fit into a blog. Also these are only going to be the highlights. I can only share the big things that have just been too awesome to hide. When you see me next, I may have processed more and more. I will be learning from this summer for years to come.

Last Thursday was one of the worst/best days of my life. Work was stressful and busy. Everything that would normally not bother me was like taking a cheese grader to my frayed nerves. I stayed later at work than I wanted to because every Thursday we have evangelism. My team and I go into Gatlinburg or Pigeon Forge and share the bridge illustration of the gospel. If I had my will be done instead of God's will, I would not have gone into Gatlinburg to share. I was frustrated and annoyed and didn't have the right attitude. It is testament to God's power that my heart was completely melted and softened that night. We were praying before we left so that always helps get into the right mind set but I still wasn't super excited to be going out. I got to be paired up with Kayla Anderson and that was exciting. I shared with a woman named Emily first. She didn't seem super interested but at least she let me share the gospel. Kayla shared with a woman named Penny and it was great! Kayla did such an awesome job presenting the gospel in a way that was easy to understand but challenging to the spirit. Penny was really thankful that Kayla shared and said that she had things to think about now.

So at this point we had about 20 minutes left but I still felt like there was still work to do. I hadn't accomplished what God had for me that night. I knew it had to do with young girls. In the weeks before, I was using older people as a crutch. I knew that girls my age can judge, can make fun of so easily and I figured that old people would take pity on the young college girl sharing the gospel. I was afraid to approach young girls but I KNEW without a doubt that I was going to have an opportunity to break my crutch and follow in obedience. I was TERRIFIED!! I didn't want to have to make that choice. To follow in God's will or to follow in mine. What was I going to do?

We were walking along the sidewalk and Kayla pointed out 2 girls who looked high school age sitting on a wall. I knew it as soon as I saw them. This was it. Was I going to share the gospel and the love of God or was I going to let fear rule my actions? These girls could make fun of me. They could reject Christ. All these doubts just kept going through my mind. But the still whisper that said, "I love them too" just kept repeating. We approached the girls and they seemed really excited for us to share. We sat down and I started to lay out the bridge. I talked and shared and it just seemed that these words and stories from my own life just started flowing out. How was this happening? I hadn't thought about that as an example before. Only by the Spirit were these words coming out of my mouth. I got to share the whole bridge with them and also bits and pieces of my testimony and how God had worked in my life. It became apparent to me throughout the conversation that Hannah was a believer and Bailey was not. We got to talk to Hannah a bit about what it looked like to make Christ the Lord of your life based on what Romans 6:23 says to us:

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

It was really neat. At some point during sharing the bridge, Hannah's older sister Sarah and husband Nathan walked up to us. They were both believers and seemed very excited about us sharing the gospel with the girls. I asked Bailey what she thought of what we had said and if she would be interested in receiving the gift of eternal life. I had never before wanted someone else's salvation so badly. She was so close to receiving the gospel!! I had asked if she had a bible and if she had said no instead of yes, I would have handed her my brand new bible gladly! Bailey needed more time to process her questions but I continue to pray for her and that she will bring her questions to God.

I think that Bailey was one of the most exciting people and events for my whole summer. She completely renewed my desire for evangelism. It showed that even though I was in a bad mood going in, that God could melt this heart of stone and break it for Bailey as God's heart breaks for her. If I had had my will be done, I would not have gone out that night. I would have missed the opportunity that God wanted for both myself and for Bailey, Hannah, Sarah and Nathan; to be encouraged and to have the gospel presented. God doesn't need us in our best form to evangelize; He is the BEST in us; through our weaknesses, his power and glory is shown.

Even though that was only about event since I last blogged, that is enough for one post. I love you guys and will post again soon!!