Fun and Fellowship and Fear

So today has been such a great time of fun and fellowship with my Campus Outreach brothers and sisters in Christ. I love them all so much and it has been a blessing to work with other programs. It is so good to hear the heart of other ministries and how God is using them to bring glory to His kingdom. It doesn't matter who's program is "better" or "bigger" but that all groups are coming together with the united goal to reach non-believers for Christ and to glorify His name.

First of all I want to praise God for some things. Those of you who know me and family and have for a long time will know that this is indeed a blessing. This summer has been a great time of fellowship with my sister Leah. We used to fight all the time and didn't want to be around each other. I think it is a true testament to God's power and mercy, that he has been able to change both of our hearts towards each other over the past 2 years. He has taught us how to forgive each other and also how to ask for forgiveness. Leah and I got to spend a quiet time together and it was a beautiful time with the Lord and each other. I'm so thankful for my sister, no matter what I used to say when I was younger. It has been super exciting to see Leah grow in Christ and I can't wait to see how much more she starts to look like and represent Him on Valdosta's campus as an RA. I can't thank God enough for the opportunity to help Leah grow but also to see how He moves in Leah and teaches her and guides her.

On that note, I want to share what I have been learning. Can I just say that I have grown so much this summer that I will be processing for months afterwards?! In my XTAWG (Extended Time Alone With God), basically a 4 hour quiet time that I get every Tuesday, I continued my journey through the Old Testament into Isaiah. I was in Isaiah 9 and my world got ROCKED!

The Lord spoke to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people. He said: 

        "Do not call conspiracy everything that these people call conspiracy; do not fear what they fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread..."

 When I read this I zoomed in on the fact that is says "the one you are to regard as holy" which makes me think that before that, there was something else I regarded as holy. So then I went back and read that it was talking about the things that I fear. I began to realize that when I fear things in my life, I am regarding them as holy. I am giving them this power over me in my life that belongs only to the Lord. I have put these fears of mine on a pedestal and have feared them when the person I should fear is the Lord. I also have begun to realize that when I fear things, I have let myself believe LIES about God. I have let myself think that He is not sufficient enough, not strong enough, not whatever it is that would counter my fears. So I made a list of my fears and scripture to battle those.

1. One of my fears is something that I think a lot of people can relate to. I fear that God will make me stay single all my life. This is not something that I want and I fear that God will not be enough in my life. But I am choosing to know that God is El Shaddai, the All-Sufficient One, and will be enough. I also love Jeremiah 29:11 which says, " 'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"  Now I am not saying that this is a promise to me from God for a husband but it is a promise to me from God that says whatever his plans are for me, they are GOOD!! Even if I stayed single all my life, God has good plans for me that would bring HIS name glory. And I'm choosing to battle against my fear and know that God IS enough for me. 
2. To fail to graduate from Georgia Tech with what the world tells me is a good GPA. This is a fear that many GT students can tell you is so real and a huge thing at Tech. Tech is so good about telling us how we aren't good enough, that we will never be smart enough, that we won't get a job or Co-op without a 4.0 GPA. Well my God tells me: "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" [Romans 8:32]  God doesn't tell me his will give me a 4.0 but he does tell me that he will provide for me whatever I need to accomplish HIS will for my life. Maybe not my will, but definitely whatever his will is for my life. 
3. This next fear was a little hard to recognize and so it was definitely a hard one to realize. To lose Erin Randalow at the end of the year to a job somewhere far far away. Now Erin when you read this, understand that I love you and have loved our 2 years together and can't wait for the 3rd. I think the reason why this was such a fear, is because when Erin started discipling me my freshman year of college, I really started to grow in my faith and start to make it my own. Erin taught me basically everything and I don't know where I would be without her. But I had started to equate Erin to my source. And my source can only be God. That would be an empty life if I only depended on Erin and it would be a terrible burden for her. Not that she doesn't love meeting with me, but only God can be our true source of teaching and faith.  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." [Ephesians 4:15-16] How silly would it be for a elbow to receive direction and guidance from the knee? In the same why, while Erin can give me advise and guide me, my ultimate guide must be the Head which is Christ. This summer has really begun to teach me how my faith is just that. MINE. 
4. To not be needed by someone. I think that this is a really basic fear for most people. To leave the room and have no one notice you left, or to be out of normally communication and when you come back on, no one missed that you were gone. And I love the way the Lord spoke into this fear of mine. The Lord may not need me because he is El Shaddai but he WANTS me. Even though I am a sinner, he wanted and delighted in giving me the gift of eternal salvation so that I could be with him forever. "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." [Matthew 10:29-31] The Creator and most Holy One wants to be with me and cares about me. He knows when I leave the room and he knows when I haven't been talking to him. He rejoices when I pray to him and long for him. What a good God we have. 
5. This last fear, is something that I know all girls struggle with. It is an elemental fear that Satan attacks us with. To not be beautiful to someone. Now I know that when most girls say this, we automatically say, "But your so beautiful! How do you not see it?" The thing is though, I believe that it is not just that we want outward beauty. We want to be found to be a beautiful person on the inside and we want to be of a beautiful spirit and personality. "The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord." [Psalm 45:11] God knows all my sin, all my imperfections and still finds me beautiful. He loves me and is enthralled by me. I love knowing that. 

So basically this week, I have been battling my fears. Realizing what they were and then fighting them. Making an effort to fight the lies about God that Satan whispers in my ear. I fight with Scripture and it is a daily battle but the Lord is sufficient. He is mighty in power and will not be defeated. God can overcome any of my fears.