Right Where I Am

Recently, I got the immense joy of connecting with the Navigators 20's Missions. I've been looking forward to this for months. I love meeting new people and it was the perfect place to do so. However, in the past few weeks, my life has felt turned upside down because of some stuff I have going on in my life. Things that once made sense, did so no longer. So I went into this gathering of believers with a heavy heart.

God has a funny way of knowing me better than I know myself. I have a tendency to run to other people before running to God with my problems. There is just something so comforting about hearing an audible voice and receiving a hug that I can feel from someone. And while these things are wonderful, they tend to get in the way of my relationship and intimacy with God. So this past week and a half, timing and geographical location has not allowed me to run to the people I most often do: Betty, Morgan, Erin ect... I think God did that on purpose.

So last night while we were gathered in John and Beth's living room, the phrase "Right Where You Are At" kept being repeated both in the context of our geographical location and our spiritual or emotional place. I could feel this tugging on my heart. I didn't want it to. I wanted to ignore the still small voice. I managed to ignore God (how, I don't know) until I was in my car driving home. Then it felt like God was shouting at me even over the loudness of my radio. So I turned it off and prepared myself for an interesting conversation with the Lord.

I've been angry all week. Not at any one person but at life and circumstances in general. So I decided that if God wanted to talk, then fine. We were gonna talk but I was gonna go first. I had a bone to pick. I asked God what he had to say about my anger. I yelled and ranted and raved and cried all the way home. If someone had looked into my truck at the time, they probably would have thought I was crazy. But if God wanted to meet me where I was, then it was time to be honest.

I took every bit of emotion I had and threw it at him like he was my punching bag. And wanna know an interesting thing, it was like he just stood there and took it. Like he knew I needed to get it all out. He didn't yell back or tell me how selfish I was being. He just let me be angry and cry. He let me feel all the emotional spectrum that I had going on. And then he just started to help me pick up the broken pieces of my heart and life. God listened to what I had to say and was feeling even if it was totally wrong. It felt true to me.

And I'm excited to say that I feel so much better and am looking forward to hearing his part of the conversation because that is now it works. Someone talks and someone listens, then the roles reverse. Its my turn to listen now. I'm sure he has plenty to tell me.