The Beginning of the End

Today is the beginning of the end. The end of a 3 month period where I have allowed my emotions and feelings speak louder and longer than the truth. For the past 3 months I have felt depressed, isolated and alone. I have allowed my emotions to flow through me and carry me wherever they may lead. This has often times been astray. My heart is fickle. I know this in my head, but never have I seen in laid out so plainly in my life before. Instead of desperation leading me towards a closer, more intimate relationship with the Lord, I fell away. Allowing my feelings to affect my relationship with God, with other people, and the ministry that God has called me towards.

When I was in Knoxville a couple of weeks ago for a wedding, I went to my favorite bookstore called McKays. There I purchased "Get Out Of That Pit" by Beth Moore. I knew then where I was, but I still didn't have the courage to start the long, upward journey. God has been speaking to me gently, and I'm excited to know that His faithfulness never ends. He never gives up on me, even when I have given up on myself. In the introduction to her book and devotional journal, she said something I completely related with and thought she had read my mind.

Life can be excruciating. Crushing, in fact. The sheer magnitude of our worries can press down on our heads until we unknowingly descend into a pit of despair one inch at a time. Something so horrible can happen that we conclude we'll never be okay again. We can blow it so badly we think God would just as soon we stayed under that dirt and out of His sight. But, if we're willing to let truth speak louder than our feelings, and long enough that our feelings finally agree, we can be far more than okay. We can be delivered to a place where the air is crisp, the enemy is whipped, and the view is magnificent. 

I'm really excited to claim the promises found in Psalm 40:1-3. My God delivers and rescues us out of a pit of darkness and brings us into the kingdom of the Son He loves.

I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry. 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand. 

He put a new song in my mouth, 

a hymn of praise to our God. 

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the Lord.