Fun and Fellowship and Fear

So today has been such a great time of fun and fellowship with my Campus Outreach brothers and sisters in Christ. I love them all so much and it has been a blessing to work with other programs. It is so good to hear the heart of other ministries and how God is using them to bring glory to His kingdom. It doesn't matter who's program is "better" or "bigger" but that all groups are coming together with the united goal to reach non-believers for Christ and to glorify His name.

First of all I want to praise God for some things. Those of you who know me and family and have for a long time will know that this is indeed a blessing. This summer has been a great time of fellowship with my sister Leah. We used to fight all the time and didn't want to be around each other. I think it is a true testament to God's power and mercy, that he has been able to change both of our hearts towards each other over the past 2 years. He has taught us how to forgive each other and also how to ask for forgiveness. Leah and I got to spend a quiet time together and it was a beautiful time with the Lord and each other. I'm so thankful for my sister, no matter what I used to say when I was younger. It has been super exciting to see Leah grow in Christ and I can't wait to see how much more she starts to look like and represent Him on Valdosta's campus as an RA. I can't thank God enough for the opportunity to help Leah grow but also to see how He moves in Leah and teaches her and guides her.

On that note, I want to share what I have been learning. Can I just say that I have grown so much this summer that I will be processing for months afterwards?! In my XTAWG (Extended Time Alone With God), basically a 4 hour quiet time that I get every Tuesday, I continued my journey through the Old Testament into Isaiah. I was in Isaiah 9 and my world got ROCKED!

The Lord spoke to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people. He said: 

        "Do not call conspiracy everything that these people call conspiracy; do not fear what they fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread..."

 When I read this I zoomed in on the fact that is says "the one you are to regard as holy" which makes me think that before that, there was something else I regarded as holy. So then I went back and read that it was talking about the things that I fear. I began to realize that when I fear things in my life, I am regarding them as holy. I am giving them this power over me in my life that belongs only to the Lord. I have put these fears of mine on a pedestal and have feared them when the person I should fear is the Lord. I also have begun to realize that when I fear things, I have let myself believe LIES about God. I have let myself think that He is not sufficient enough, not strong enough, not whatever it is that would counter my fears. So I made a list of my fears and scripture to battle those.

1. One of my fears is something that I think a lot of people can relate to. I fear that God will make me stay single all my life. This is not something that I want and I fear that God will not be enough in my life. But I am choosing to know that God is El Shaddai, the All-Sufficient One, and will be enough. I also love Jeremiah 29:11 which says, " 'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"  Now I am not saying that this is a promise to me from God for a husband but it is a promise to me from God that says whatever his plans are for me, they are GOOD!! Even if I stayed single all my life, God has good plans for me that would bring HIS name glory. And I'm choosing to battle against my fear and know that God IS enough for me. 
2. To fail to graduate from Georgia Tech with what the world tells me is a good GPA. This is a fear that many GT students can tell you is so real and a huge thing at Tech. Tech is so good about telling us how we aren't good enough, that we will never be smart enough, that we won't get a job or Co-op without a 4.0 GPA. Well my God tells me: "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" [Romans 8:32]  God doesn't tell me his will give me a 4.0 but he does tell me that he will provide for me whatever I need to accomplish HIS will for my life. Maybe not my will, but definitely whatever his will is for my life. 
3. This next fear was a little hard to recognize and so it was definitely a hard one to realize. To lose Erin Randalow at the end of the year to a job somewhere far far away. Now Erin when you read this, understand that I love you and have loved our 2 years together and can't wait for the 3rd. I think the reason why this was such a fear, is because when Erin started discipling me my freshman year of college, I really started to grow in my faith and start to make it my own. Erin taught me basically everything and I don't know where I would be without her. But I had started to equate Erin to my source. And my source can only be God. That would be an empty life if I only depended on Erin and it would be a terrible burden for her. Not that she doesn't love meeting with me, but only God can be our true source of teaching and faith.  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." [Ephesians 4:15-16] How silly would it be for a elbow to receive direction and guidance from the knee? In the same why, while Erin can give me advise and guide me, my ultimate guide must be the Head which is Christ. This summer has really begun to teach me how my faith is just that. MINE. 
4. To not be needed by someone. I think that this is a really basic fear for most people. To leave the room and have no one notice you left, or to be out of normally communication and when you come back on, no one missed that you were gone. And I love the way the Lord spoke into this fear of mine. The Lord may not need me because he is El Shaddai but he WANTS me. Even though I am a sinner, he wanted and delighted in giving me the gift of eternal salvation so that I could be with him forever. "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." [Matthew 10:29-31] The Creator and most Holy One wants to be with me and cares about me. He knows when I leave the room and he knows when I haven't been talking to him. He rejoices when I pray to him and long for him. What a good God we have. 
5. This last fear, is something that I know all girls struggle with. It is an elemental fear that Satan attacks us with. To not be beautiful to someone. Now I know that when most girls say this, we automatically say, "But your so beautiful! How do you not see it?" The thing is though, I believe that it is not just that we want outward beauty. We want to be found to be a beautiful person on the inside and we want to be of a beautiful spirit and personality. "The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord." [Psalm 45:11] God knows all my sin, all my imperfections and still finds me beautiful. He loves me and is enthralled by me. I love knowing that. 

So basically this week, I have been battling my fears. Realizing what they were and then fighting them. Making an effort to fight the lies about God that Satan whispers in my ear. I fight with Scripture and it is a daily battle but the Lord is sufficient. He is mighty in power and will not be defeated. God can overcome any of my fears.

Whew....

Who knew so much could fit into a summer? I know that it has been a while since I updated but I am sticking to my guns and I'm going to do it now. First I just want to say that I still love my job, my team and the whole program. This summer has been too amazing to fit into a blog. Also these are only going to be the highlights. I can only share the big things that have just been too awesome to hide. When you see me next, I may have processed more and more. I will be learning from this summer for years to come.

Last Thursday was one of the worst/best days of my life. Work was stressful and busy. Everything that would normally not bother me was like taking a cheese grader to my frayed nerves. I stayed later at work than I wanted to because every Thursday we have evangelism. My team and I go into Gatlinburg or Pigeon Forge and share the bridge illustration of the gospel. If I had my will be done instead of God's will, I would not have gone into Gatlinburg to share. I was frustrated and annoyed and didn't have the right attitude. It is testament to God's power that my heart was completely melted and softened that night. We were praying before we left so that always helps get into the right mind set but I still wasn't super excited to be going out. I got to be paired up with Kayla Anderson and that was exciting. I shared with a woman named Emily first. She didn't seem super interested but at least she let me share the gospel. Kayla shared with a woman named Penny and it was great! Kayla did such an awesome job presenting the gospel in a way that was easy to understand but challenging to the spirit. Penny was really thankful that Kayla shared and said that she had things to think about now.

So at this point we had about 20 minutes left but I still felt like there was still work to do. I hadn't accomplished what God had for me that night. I knew it had to do with young girls. In the weeks before, I was using older people as a crutch. I knew that girls my age can judge, can make fun of so easily and I figured that old people would take pity on the young college girl sharing the gospel. I was afraid to approach young girls but I KNEW without a doubt that I was going to have an opportunity to break my crutch and follow in obedience. I was TERRIFIED!! I didn't want to have to make that choice. To follow in God's will or to follow in mine. What was I going to do?

We were walking along the sidewalk and Kayla pointed out 2 girls who looked high school age sitting on a wall. I knew it as soon as I saw them. This was it. Was I going to share the gospel and the love of God or was I going to let fear rule my actions? These girls could make fun of me. They could reject Christ. All these doubts just kept going through my mind. But the still whisper that said, "I love them too" just kept repeating. We approached the girls and they seemed really excited for us to share. We sat down and I started to lay out the bridge. I talked and shared and it just seemed that these words and stories from my own life just started flowing out. How was this happening? I hadn't thought about that as an example before. Only by the Spirit were these words coming out of my mouth. I got to share the whole bridge with them and also bits and pieces of my testimony and how God had worked in my life. It became apparent to me throughout the conversation that Hannah was a believer and Bailey was not. We got to talk to Hannah a bit about what it looked like to make Christ the Lord of your life based on what Romans 6:23 says to us:

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

It was really neat. At some point during sharing the bridge, Hannah's older sister Sarah and husband Nathan walked up to us. They were both believers and seemed very excited about us sharing the gospel with the girls. I asked Bailey what she thought of what we had said and if she would be interested in receiving the gift of eternal life. I had never before wanted someone else's salvation so badly. She was so close to receiving the gospel!! I had asked if she had a bible and if she had said no instead of yes, I would have handed her my brand new bible gladly! Bailey needed more time to process her questions but I continue to pray for her and that she will bring her questions to God.

I think that Bailey was one of the most exciting people and events for my whole summer. She completely renewed my desire for evangelism. It showed that even though I was in a bad mood going in, that God could melt this heart of stone and break it for Bailey as God's heart breaks for her. If I had had my will be done, I would not have gone out that night. I would have missed the opportunity that God wanted for both myself and for Bailey, Hannah, Sarah and Nathan; to be encouraged and to have the gospel presented. God doesn't need us in our best form to evangelize; He is the BEST in us; through our weaknesses, his power and glory is shown.

Even though that was only about event since I last blogged, that is enough for one post. I love you guys and will post again soon!!

Can't Get Away

Can't Get Away - Rush of Fools


I am an arrow, I am a rocket
I am a river and nothing can stop it
Cause You are the target and You are the atmosphere
You are the ocean that keeps pulling me, You're pulling me here

[Chorus:]
And I, can't get away, can't get away
Can't get away, can't get away
I can't get away, can't get away...I keep running into You
[repeat]

I am a beggar, You are the table
I am so helpless, God You are so able
And when I get turned around You change my direction
You're so perfect, I'm so broken, here You come with arms wide open 
Chasing after me down every road
You're always waiting there

[Chorus]

Even when I close my eyes, I can't help but see 
There's no place that I can hide, You're such a part of me
I can't get away cause I keep running into You
I can't get away...

[Chorus]

This song speaks to me so much right now as I am sitting in Books-a-million for time with Jesus and bible study prep. I just love that I can't get away from God. Here I am at STP and even though I am running after him now, I know that after this summer is over, I will never lose Him. He chases after me and surrounds me. So the first verse describes my feelings right now, just striving after the Lord my target. But I know that if my course changes at any point, God will direct me back to Him. I can't escape the Lord Almighty and I don't know why I would want to. Some how though it always happens. Satan pulls me away but the Lord is so much stronger. 




I have always loved the story of Hosea and the fact that God welcomes me back with open arms is  just something that brings me to my knees every time in worship. I chase after false gods and idols time and time again and every time God pursues me and romances me back into his arms. I am so unfaithful and still He wants me. I have always known this but for some reason, the awesomeness of it all just struck me in this coffee shop. The fact that God wants me: the broken, imperfect, unfaithful, messed up me. Yet the Lord Jehovah, Elohim who created me, finds me lovely and wonderful. 


I love the way God speaks and I can't wait to hear more. I didn't even realize that I needed to be told that by God until it happened. Isn't it cool how God knows my heart and its desires even before I do? My God is outside of time and still manages to focus on me and speak intimately and personally to me!

STP So Far!

So STP is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I got here on Saturday June 4th. I had spent the night with Victoria because she is awesome. It was so good to see one of my best friends. It was an encouraging time to see her and catch up. Alexa and I drove up here together and it was a wonderful trip. We just talked the whole time and I'm sure her parents thought that I never stopped talking. When we got here I was the first person from my team besides me team leader. I'll introduce you to my team.

Right behind me is Lauren Zezulka, then Molly Broome, Samantha Hull, and Taryn Stait (from left to right). Sam and Taryn are our team leaders and are completely awesome. Molly and Zee are the best team members ever. We have been growing closer over the past couple of days. When you live together, worship together, study the bible together, and white water raft together, you get to be really close. I can't wait to see how God works among this great group. We have started calling ourselves the Sisterhood of the Traveling Spirit (STS)! On our hotel door room is a tree with all our names on it and trees have kind of become our mascot. We have matching tree necklaces and journals.

Let me tell you about white water rafting on Monday. It was so crazy! Also everyone should know that I finally remembered to put sunscreen on and did not get sunburned. In fact I got a tan! But our team was in a raft with another STPer named Rachel. Our guides name is Mitch and he had only been leading passengers for 3 weeks so we knew we were in for a trip. We were going great and then IT HAPPENED!!  Another raft had gotten stuck on a rock and a 2nd raft got stuck almost underneath the lip of the other raft. The 2nd raft flipped over after already losing a member. My team quickly pulled into the boat as many people as we could. I pulled in a new friend of mine named Meredith. I felt super legit grabbing her life jacket and yanking her into the boat. She had been under for a while so she was really shaken up. So at this point my boat has 9 passengers plus our guide and we were coming up on a class 4 rapid. The Ocoee River only has 2 class 4 rapids and it was going to be intense with that much weight on the boat. We get into the rapid and since I was at the front, the water was rushing right into my chest. The water was so powerful it swept me out of the boat but my feet were locked into the boat. My face and body was under the water but my feet were keeping me from being able to get away from the rapid and breathe. I eventually dislodged my feet and went under completely. Another raft that didnt realize where I was rode right over me and hit me in the helmet. I was super thankful for that though because it told me where the surface was. I eventually got up and in the swimmer position. I heard someone yell "GRAB THE ROPE!!" so I was flailing around found the rope. They pulled me to their raft and got me in the boat. My adrenaline was pumping at the point but I wouldn't trade it for the world. We met up with Mitch and swapped people around until we were all in our original boats. It was the best trip and the most exciting trip I had been on. I have been on that particular river 4 times so I was happy to have a new experience.

We got back and I got to play 6 games of beach volleyball where me and my team went undefeated!! There are lots of Laurens here so everyone has started calling me by my school nickname Money! Trish would be super happy about the nickname being continued.

So now that the small stuff has been covered, let me tell you about the BIG stuff! God has been doing great things! Before the summer began, I felt really lethargic and unable to have any time with God. It was super discouraging because I wanted to get into the groove for STP. When I got here though I found out it was like that for my whole team. Satan had been working so hard to keep us from growing before the summer started. Well now that we are here, God has been working in a mighty way. It has only been 5 days!!

Our bible study for the whole summer is about Intimacy with Christ. I am really excited about this because it is the ultimate goal for the summer: to grow in my relationship with Christ and to know Him on a deeper level. This first week is Colossians 1 which is exciting because I did this chapter with Erin my freshman year but I am learning way new stuff!! Our memory verse for the week is Colossians 1: 13-14 which says:

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

This verse has been really powerful this week. I love the imagery of God being my knight in shining armor and rescuing me from Satan who had me trapped in my sin. I also love that we have been forgiven of our sins. I am such a sinful person. Maybe not as much outwardly but I have a lot of sinful attitudes and perceptions. The stronger we become in our faith the sneaker and less noticeable Satan is when he gets us to sin. 

In my times alone with God, I have been continuing through the Old Testament. Psalms has really been blessing me and communicating God's character and heart for me. My other verse for this week is Psalm 8:4-5 which says:

what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. 

This verse just really spoke humility into my life this week. To continually remember that God is so perfect and holy and I am sinful and broken. Still God cares for me and loves me. This is something that I may never understand but I am so thankful for it. He wants to give me good things and to lift me up from my sin. Praise the Lord for Christ who has covered me in His righteousness because I have none of my own. 

Another verse that has really spoken to me has been Psalm 9:10a which says: "Those who know your name will trust in you." It really made me think about how often I don't trust in God. I clearly have a lot of getting to know God's character so that I can fully trust him. God has never let me down before so I have no reason not to trust him and yet I still find it so hard. It is hard to trust someone who is not a tangible person. God though has been one of the most real things in my life and what he has done for me and through me. 

Last night at Nav Night Dave Bachman spoke on the Need of the Hour. It was really good because he talked about how often we make God so much smaller than he really is and we limit our need for him because of self sufficient attitude. He took the talk from this man named Dawson Troutman and I love the quote that he gave.

The greatest need of the world is an army of believers who know they need a big God and trust him to transform and use their broken lives.  - Dawson Trotman

 I love this chart that they showed us. That at the point we become a believer in Christ we continue to grow in our awareness of God's holiness but at the same time we realize more and more the depth of our sin. It is not that these things are getting bigger. I am not growing more sinful nor in God becoming more holy. It is simply that my awareness of those are growing. From this growing awareness I also come to realize the full depth of my need of a Savior in Christ Jesus. Praise the Lord for the Redeemer.

That has been my short week so far at STP. I know it is a lot but I will try to update every Wednesday on my day off. If you could please be praying for my summer, I would love for that! The areas in my life that I am really working on this summer is:

1. Discipline - Anyone who knows me knows that this is something I really struggle with. The structure of the summer has helped so far and my team is helping hold me accountable for my scripture memory and review and spending Time Alone With God (TAWG). 
2. Submission - I LOVE control. I want to lead everything! Whether in bible study, 1-1's, exercise, class or relationships, I always want to be the one to set the pace. But that is not my job. God should be in ultimate control. 

Pray for these things above all! I miss everyone and will try to keep everyone updated!!

King?

What does it mean for God to my King? I have a President, a principal, an administrator, a boss, and tons of other authority type figures in my life but I have only God as an example as a King. I think that in the time that we have grown up without this, the word has almost lost meaning.

King (def.) --sovereign ruler; generally used to denote one invested with authority; greek word melek

If God is my King then he should be the ultimate authority on all things; especially the decisions that I make. It also makes me think that all the times that I put God on hold or tell Him to wait, I am putting royalty on hold. 

At Nav Nite, a couple of weeks before school let out, a wise man asked us what characteristic of God is the least real in our lives and now I think that this is mine. To know God as my King is something that I haven't quite figured out yet but I'm hoping for a good chance to try and the wisdom from God to understand. 

We shall see how it goes. 

Who said God wasn't sarcastic?

I am finally finished with Job and what a finish it was. I have decided that God can definitely have his sassy moments. On dictionary.com sassy is defined as being "lively, bold and full of spirit; cheeky"
When he has been tested and is like "Ok? Your such a know-it-all now? Can you do x,y, and z?" Reading through chapters 38-42 just makes me say WOAH! God is telling Job!

My good friend and sister in Christ Haley would really like this passage. Mostly because God is being totally sarcastic with Job and just a little on the sassy side, which is completely how Haley communicates. But these last chapters pretty much have a couple of keep points besides God telling Job off.

1. God totally re-establishes his justice as the highest law. 
There is not something that is "fair and right" and something separate that is God's law. God is God and is a just God. Whether we understand that system or think that it is fair doesn't matter. It is still just and still meets God's standards. He doesn't ask us to like it, or even to accept it at all times [we are human and stubborn] but why insult the Creator and Just God by telling Him what is fair and right.

"Who has a claim against me that I must pay?" Job 41:11a

2. God re-establishes his power.

God talks for a long time in chapter 38:4 - 41 all about his characteristics that make him God. He talks about his strength, wisdom, fearlessness, fearsomeness, power, knowledge, royalty, justice, splendor and majesty. He talks to Job and says "Are you any of these things?" God completely puts Job in his place.

"Nothing on earth is his equal-a creature without fear." Job 41:33

3. Job FINALLY humbles himself before God.

It's about time that Job got off his high horse about how perfect he is. I know that so many times I can be a complete know-it-all. In this way, I relate to Job. I think it may be a just me thing but also something that Georgia Tech breeds into us. I so many times will think that I know best, that I know the right thing. I can always do it better than some one else. I have also been on the receiving end like Job was of when God humbles us. It is a painful experience but one meant to show us more and more our dependence on God. 

"Then Job replied to the Lord:

'I know that you can do all things;

no plan of yours can be thwarted.

You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' 

Surely I spoke of things that I did not understand,

things to wonderful for me to know.

You said, ' Listen now, and I will speak; 

I will question you,

and you shall answer me.'

My ears had heard of you

but now my eyes have seen you.

Therefore I despise myself

and repent in dust and ashes."

Job 42:1-6

Im really glad that even when I am at home and not at Georgia Tech, where I have been growing so much, the Lord still meets me here. Satan recently has made me soo busy in my mind where before I knew it, the day was over and I had spent no alone time with God. Well I refuse to let that be a habit of my summer. I will develop holy habits even if it does take me all summer. 

Wisdom From the Younger Guy

...Continued from before :)

So now I will share the meat of what Elihu said to Job and the three friends. And let me tell you, he straight up gives it to them. He doesn't hold back on his words and he is not afraid to call them out on wrong view points and incorrect attitudes. So fasten your seat belt!

In verse 6 of Chapter 33 Elihu says, "I am just like you before God; I too have been made from clay." I think that this is an excellent example of how you should start off a confrontational situation. To say, "Look. I am no better than you. We were both made from dust. Don't take what I have to say as looking down on your or myself having a high and mighty attitude." I think it is super awesome that he starts off this way.

Verses 8-14 crack me up. Elihu quotes what Job has said to them. Job had said that he was "pure and without sin; I [Job] am clean and free from guilt." Then he goes on to completely tell Job that he is wrong.

"But I tell you, in this you are not right, for God is greater than man. Why do you complain to him that he answers none of man's words? For God does speak-now one way, now another- though man may not perceive it."

I love that Elihu is saying "YOU ARE HUMAN". Just like everyone else. We all mess up. Who are you Job to say what God must have done wrong or that you don't deserve what you are getting. We cannot understand his reasons. Elihu goes on to talk about the different ways that God speaks. In verses 15-22, Elihu says that two ways that God speaks to us is through dreams and suffering. These were very come ways to hear from God in these times.

Now if you feel like OK this Elihu kid has some good things to say just wait for what comes next.

"Yet if there is an angel on his side as a mediator, one out of a thousand, to tell a man what is right for him, to be gracious to him and say, 'Spare him from going down to the grave; I have found a ransom for him' - then his flesh is renewed like a child's; it is restored as in the days of his youth. He prays to God and finds favor with him, he sees God's face and shouts for joy; he is restored by God to his righteous sate. Then he comes to men and says, 'I sinned, and perverted what was right, but I did not get what I deserved. He redeemed my soul from going down to the pit, and I will live to enjoy the light.'"

If that doesn't give you chill bumps or make your heart race, then go put your head in cold cold water and then come back and read that again. What Elihu didn't know is that we do have someone who finds and gives a ransom for us. A man who restores us to God by a righteous state. A man who redeems our soul and allows us to live in the light of the Creator forever. Than man is Jesus! He saved us and has given us mercy! We are given WHAT WE DON'T DESERVE! All because the Lord our God is full of love, mercy and grace. Jesus paid the ransom for our lives with his own. "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." (2 Corinthians 5:21) Jesus paid the ransom and I am forever thankful that I can become the righteousness of God. Not because of who I am or what I have done but because of the Great I AM and what Jesus has done.

When I was reading this, I was loving the parallels to Christ. It made me so thankful that I don't have to look forward to the hope of a savior but that I have one now.