Suffering

I've been thinking about suffering a lot recently. In my quiet times, I have started reading Job and for those of you who have been blessed to read it, you know that Job suffered a lot. I am only in Chapter 3 but already Job has lost his children, his livelihood, and has been inflicted with painful sores all over his body.

My first reaction when I hear this is that he must have done something WAY wrong to deserve this but that's not the case. The only reason for this is to test Job because God has found him "blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." God even says to Satan, "...you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason." I mean woah! This is just as a test. Kind of like God bragging on Job saying that he could handle anything that Satan could throw his way and that God wants to prove it.

Job responds to the first test (taking away children and livelihood) by saying, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." I was asking myself if all of my family and my security was taken away, would this be my response? If I was completely stripped bare would God still be enough? Would I still praise Him or would I curse Him? I hope that I would still praise Him.

When Job is inflicted by painful sores all over his body his wife tells him to just curse God and die. This is someone that Job trusts but Job says " Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Job realizes that everything people tell you has to line up with God's message. We accept good and bad. Job understands that God is ultimately in control.

When both of these events happen, Job tells his friends in chapter 3 that he wishes that he never had been born. That this suffering is so great that he wishes it never happened and would go away. When I read this, I had to do a double take. Is this the same guy? The one who said that we accept both good and bad? The one who didn't sin in his response to suffering? How is this response not considered responding badly?

This is the conclusion I came to. It is not a sin when we wish that suffering would be taken from us. It's natural to want good things and not bad things. It is a sin when we try to control what happens and to curse God for what is happening. Even Jesus asks for his suffering to be taken away from him.

"Then he said to them, 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.' Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.'"

-Matthew 26:38-39

It is OK to ask for the suffering to be taken away as long as we submit ultimately to God's providence. We may not know why it is happening but we trust that God has good plans for us and is all knowing. I think it is nice that I know that when things are not going the way I want in my life and that I am suffering, God doesn't expect me to be happy go lucky and Ms. Sunshine. The only thing that God expects of me is that I "consider it joy when I face trials of many kinds" and that I trust in Him to know what He is doing.

Do I praise God in the storm or only in the sunshine? Does my faith stand this test? Do I keep my integrity in the face of suffering, persecution, and trials?

Beauty

Today I was listening to the radio while I was getting ready for my day. Nothing crazy, in fact a pretty normal occurrence. As I was listening though, a commercial came on for plastic surgery. It was talking about how it would look natural and didn't you want "to finally be happy with the way you look?" I was so struck by the message that they were sending all the women who would be listening. Didn't these women realize that no matter how many times you change things on the outside, the ultimate change had to be of the heart?

I'm not gonna lie. Beauty is a hard thing to come to term with when you are a Christian girl. When the world and Cosmo and everything around you is telling you that beauty is 5'10", long legged, skinny and tan it is impossible to believe you measure up. But the one thing that I do know is that the Lord delights in me.

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well. 

My frame was not hidden from you 

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

Psalm 139:13-16

Do these women realize that the Creator has created them perfectly, in his own image. That they are beautiful to him? I think as women it takes a long time and constant reminders to come to terms with this. For me it was when I read Psalm 45:11, 

"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord."

 Now in context the author is not talking about me and God. He is talking about Solomon and his wife but the Lord feels the exact same way about me. It's hard to imagine. The word enthralled comes from a greek word that I can't say but it means to crave or desire. Which is ultimately what most women want. It hurts me to think of all the times that I have looked at myself and said "God you didn't do a good enough job with me." Which is essentially what we are saying. I would never go up to Michaelangelo and say "Man you sure did do an awful job on the Mona Lisa." So why do I do that with God?

We are the Lord's masterpieces and its about time we start realizing it. Every time I think about how I wish I had red hair or that I was skinnier or was tanner, I am insulting the Creator. I love knowing that the King is enthralled by my beauty and that He delights in me. What a wonderful feeling. I just wish that more women knew it too.

I Remember

Today in my quiet time I have finally gotten around to studying Psalm 77 which Erin had been encouraging me to read through.

"I cried out to God for help; 

I cried out to God to hear me.

When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;

at night I stretched out untiring hands

and my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; 

I mused, and my spirit grew faint. 

You kept my eyes from closing;

I was too troubled to speak.

I thought about the former days,

the years of long ago;

I remembered my songs in the night.

My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

'Will the Lord reject forever?

Will he never show his favor again?

Has his unfailing love vanished forever?

Has his promise failed for all time?

Has God forgotten to be merciful?

Has he in anger withheld his compassion?'

Then I thought, 'To this I will appeal:

the years of the right hand of the Most High.'

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. 

I will meditate on all your works

and consider all your mighty deeds."

Psalms 77:1-12

So from this I made my own "I Remember" List. One that when satan was attacking and life was taking its toll that I could look and remember what God has done in my life that makes me know that God DOES keep His promises and He is PROVEN FAITHFUL.

I Remember...

When God worked in my Dad's life and transformed him.
When God was faithful in directing the path of what college to attend.

When God provided Bellino so that I could have a believer in my core group in high school. 

When God brought me Erin when I needed her the most.

When God provided for me with Calculus I and other school work.

When God taught me about His righteousness.

When God was there as my friend when my best friend deserted me.

When God was there as my comfort and rock when my heart was broken. 

When God blessed and provided me with an amazing co-PL in Lauren Face.

When God brought me not 1 but 2 disciples in Hannah and Katie.

When God directed in my path in transferring to MPH.

When God worked in Scott's life and began a transformation there. 

When God used me in Megan's life and has answered prayers there. 

When God has blessed me with a new found friendship in my sister Leah.

When God finally got through to me in how to treat my Mom.

When God provided me with the insight to love my brother Heath. 

When God calmed my fears about leading bible study and discipleship.

When God provided and directed my summer plans. 

Sometimes it amazes me that I could ever forget all that God has done in my life. At the same time it makes me a thankful person that God remembers me and loves me. That He pursues me and wants to have a relationship with me. That he DELIGHTS in me and finds me beautiful. That He is always there when I need to talk or get advise. I choose to remember what God has done in my life and to cling to the promises that he has made. 

Power of Prayer and Influence

Something that has been really encouraging me and weighing on my mind is the power that prayer and influence has. We are influenced by people but also we have an influence on people. 

This weekend I was at home and got time to spend with my best friend Megan Nicole Rull. We had so much fun hanging out and catching up but it was also an encouraging time. There were so many things that we talked about that was happening in her life that we had been praying would happen for such a long time. Some things we had been praying for 4 years to happen. Some things had been as recent as October or a phone conversation the week before. It was so neat to see how God was working in her life and the people that surround her daily. I should know about the power of prayer because of what the Word says about prayer. It is an opportunity to communicate with the creator. To intercede with the Ultimate Planner about what is on our hearts for people. The Bible has plenty of stories about how God answered their prayers and after talking to Megan, I can definitely give concrete examples of what God is doing in her life. I absolutely love it.

Also when Megan and I were hanging out she said something to me that really struck me. She told me about how much I had impacted her faith and her life. To me I was awestruck. I couldn't believe it. This was my best friend. Someone that I just lived life with who had seen me in all kinds of states of angry, sad, happy, whatever I was feeling. It had never occurred to me that the things that I said and did actually had an impact. That the advise that I had given as a friend was actually listened and taken to heart. 

I know that it may sound silly because when people talk, most people listen but it had just never been said to me in those terms. No one my age who I was not intentionally trying to impact had ever told me this. I love Megan so much for this. She also has impacted my life and I hope and pray that she knows it. I love her like a fat kid loves cake. :)

Matthew 5:13-16 talks about how we are the salt of the Earth and a light in a dark city. We were made to influence people and to have relationships with people. That we have an impact is a privilege. The opportunity to impact the Kingdom for Jesus. At the same time that we have this potential to impact for the good, we can also impact negatively. We should watch how we act so that when people look at us they see the Maker. 

Acts 24:16 says "So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man." 1 Peter 3:15-16 says "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander."

We should always be ready to be held accountable for our actions and the way we behavior is seen. Keeping what we do as an example to those who are watching us. It is very humbling and exciting all at the same time. I hope that when I stand before God, He says to me, "Well done my good and faithful servant." I hope that I make God proud in the way that I represent him as his ambassador to the world. 

True Friendships

So these past couple of days I have felt extremely convicted in my attitude and how I treat my friends and those relationships. I think recently I have been so confused about what true biblical friendship looked like and how to "spur one another on toward love and good deeds." [Hebrews 10:24].

I was reading a book that we are doing in our bible study and it talked about what biblical friendship looks like. This is what I learned.

1. Christian fellowship has God's glory as its goal.

      A lot of time I feel like I haven't been having God's glory as my goal in my friendships. My goal was to figure out how this person could make me feel better when I am down, or how they could help me. Sometimes this could be my goal in the moment but a lot of times I feel like I have been very selfish in my friendships. 

2. Biblical Fellowship is about discussing and sharing what God is teaching and doing in us. 

      I think that this something that I actually can do. I love to ask my friends what God is doing in their lives. Its so exciting to hear when God is moving and doing in other peoples lives, especially those closest to me. I think it was just a good reminder of what our conversations should be centered on; how we see God moving around us. 

3. My girl friends are one of the most important things

      Don't get me wrong. I am friends with a lot of guys but hanging with the girls is something that I sometimes feel like I can neglect. Guys will give me attention just because I am a girl or I can resort to flirting and joking. With the girls I have to be more real and open and honest with them. They hold me accountable, and encourage me in ways that my other friends can't. These are the friends that will last and grow forever. Even though they are sometimes harder and I have to work to keep them, they are where I can truly be comfortable and be myself.  

4. True friendship is in serving.

       I think one of the things I need to work on is thinking of how I can be a better friend for my friends. Sometimes I get really lazy and don't want to try to keep my friendships up. We are supposed to encourage one another and even when it is hard to keep at it. 

5. Grace

    I think that a lot of times I am harder on my Christian friends than I am on my non-Christian friends. With non-Christians I can't hold them to certain standards because they don't have the Spirit in them to guide them towards these and to convict them. But with my Christian friends, I set a higher standard and sometimes can come off as "high and mighty" which is normally not my intention at all. I think I need to learn how to have a little more grace with those that I love. Not saying that I should challenge them in their lives but to do it in a way that is glorifying to the Lord. My main goal should be to be humble around my friends but still communicate, encourage, and contribute to my friend's growth. 

In general I just think that intentionality in my friendships is something that I am going to have to make a priority. Because as Rob and I were talking about a couple of weeks ago, I can't let the urgent overcome the important. And my friendships are important.

      

Double Standards

Recently I was having a conversation with a group of friends that really caused me to step back and think. The questions posed was this: "Is there a double standard that exists between Christian men and women in regards to purity?" A friend and I had suggested that a male friend of ours probably should not look at certain pictures, even though these pictures were not "porn" or "bad". We felt that they would hinder his walk and that was something that we felt the Lord wouldn't want. But then the question was, "Why can you (as a girl) look at these types of photos and I (as a boy) shouldn't?"

The first thing I thought, was that I didn't struggling physically with purity! Why should I not do something when it doesn't effect me in a way that hinders my walk with God? It wasn't fair. It wasn't that big of a deal for me to see a guy in a swimsuit. As soon as I stopped looking, it left my mind. From my relationships with my brother and close guys, I knew that this is not how guys respond.

Later last night, I continued to think on the subject and I came to the conclusion of this: there is indeed a double standard; just not in the same way that these guys seemed to think there was. 

Girls are very emotional. I used to wonder why I loved watching the Disney princess movies or reading romance novels and boys didn't. I began to realize that it is because it tugs at my emotions, which is how I relate as a girl. These books make me feel emotions that felt good and that I wanted. Most of these feelings were not meant to be felt in the season of life that I was in. They were not "bad" emotions but God had created them to be in a different time. These emotional movies and books can normally be related to girls the same way that sex movies and playboy magazines are to guys.

From what I know ( for I am NOT an expert) guys are addicted to these things because they relate physically. This is how God created them and not a bad thing. Sin has polluted God's plan and made it difficult. This creates a cycle of shame and guilt that brings them even further into their sin. How my heart breaks for the way my Christian brothers struggle!

Girls struggle in such a different way. When we read these books or watch these movies, a sense of discontentment overcomes us. Why don't I look that way? Why does that type of girl always get the guy but I never seem to be able to? Why doesn't my current boyfriend act more like the Prince Charming? Doesn't someone want to love me like that? These questions are the things that we battle everyday. God has not called us to discontentment. Many Christian girls know in their heads the truth that we are God's masterpieces and perfect the way we are. But many of us struggle to have these questions answered in our heart. We analyze and try to get love from the people (mainly guys) around us to answer these questions instead of taking these insecurities to God.

So yes there is a double standard. Does the church really emphasize that emotional purity is usually (not always) harder for girls to keep under control than physical purity? Or does the church focus on only the actions (such as porn and sex) and not of the heart? Also, don't we tend to take down our guards around other Christians? When we are around non-Christians, we act differently and then think, "Oh well this person is a Christian so I don't have to guard myself as much or them." What a terrible attitude we have all been taking on. We should guard each other the same if not more.

My challenge to myself and other women is this: If I am around my brothers, why should I look at guys I think are cute because it doesn't bother me, when I know that it will tempt my brothers to do the same? I shouldn't put stumbling blocks in their paths. I should dress modestly in order to help protect my brothers. To consider when I put on an outfit if my motives to wear this was to attract attention to myself and to cause guys to want me. I don't want Christian girls to tempt my future husband and cause him to struggle. These guys that are in my life now are some girls' future husbands. I should offer the same courtesy to these women.

My challenge to the guys around me: Help us too! We struggle with things emotionally. Don't talk about relationships all the time around us. Don't compare women in front of us. It just causes us to compare ourselves. Don't flirt with us and play games with us. Things that you think may not be a big deal to you can mean so much to us. How often do you use terms of endearments with the girls around you or tell girls you love them and not realized the effect that it has on us? Do you do it on purpose because you know the power of our emotions and how to sway them? Would you want some other man to take parts of your future wife's heart that belongs to you? Wouldn't you want the guys around her to protect and guard her like the warrior God has created you to be?

Also, we can't forget that while these are the main things that we struggle with, both sexes struggle with the opposite as well. Girls struggle with lust just as guys can be lead on and played games with. We are called to protect each other in this fight against sin and to pursue purity.

"True purity, however, is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise." - Joshua Harris

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." - Hebrews 10:24

Are our actions helping each other to pursue God's calling to purity and righteousness? 

Thankfulness Part II

Earlier this week (before I started Fasting February) I was watching the Bachelor. This show is well known but for those who may not know, the show has a bachelor who picks through a series of weeks from 30 women who he would like to marry. When I watched this show, I realized how broken our world is when it comes to relationships. Some of these women on there would talk about how this was their last chance for love and blah blah blah. I realized how they don't realize that they ARE LOVED; just maybe not in the way they think. They are loved by the Creator who died to have a relationship with them. 

Watching this show also made me realize how thankful I was that God has currently placed in my life some really godly men who I am soooo thankful to know. They help me keep in mind qualities that I am looking for in a guy and how true men of God act. I am so thankful for the way these people have influenced my life. 

The first man in my life is of course my Dad.

My Dad is one of my favorite people. He has a great testimony that I was so proud to be a witness to. I love telling people about my Dad, his faith and how it impacted mine. When I was younger my Dad was working all the time. For this I do not fault him; it was because he had such expensive daughters to take care of. However, at this time he rarely came to church with us. If I had a "God" question, he wasn't the man that I went to. When I was a freshmen in high school, my church did the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren challenge. It changed my Dad's life or at least I think so. When this happened my Dad started coming to church and doing daily time alone with God. It was so strange at first to see my Dad growing in his faith. As time went on and I realized that this was not a phase but a true change, I was so amazed and challenged by this. If my Dad could do this, then so could I. I started trying to imitate my Dad and the change that he had (with God's strength) brought into his life. He was and is now the man I go to when I have questions and need  wise counsel. Without the example my Dad set, I probably wouldn't have had half the changes I made in high school. I love my Dad so much and how he has always been there for me and challenged me; challenged me to tithe: money, time, and everything that I had to God. 

The next couple of men in my life that I want to talk about are my best friends. First I will tell you about Casey. Casey Neil Jordan has made a huge impact on my life. Even though when and if he reads this, he will probably be surprised and then give me a hard time about all the nice things I am about to say about him.

Casey is a great guy. He listens to me; if you don't know me very well, I talk a lot. He is always interested in my life and what's going on. Casey loves God and that is one of my favorite things about him. Casey also loves to sing and when he is combining both in worshiping God he smiles a lot. It was so strange for me to see him worship the first time I did. When I was in high school, the Christian guys around me didn't think it was "cool" to sing at church, especially not passionately or with excitement and true joy. When I saw Casey among other guys singing with their full heart, it overjoyed me. I was so happy to realize that what I thought was strange in high school was indeed strange and not how it should be. Casey loves to joke around and play practical jokes or pranks. He helps me stay focused on the lighter side of life and not all the studying and stress that I so often get tied up in. I'm super blessed to have Casey as a guy friend who points me in the direction of the Lord. 

So the next guy in my life is Rob. Rob is one of the most biblically knowledgeable men that I know. Rob learned how to read Greek so that he wouldn't have to deal with translations. That is CRAZY. 

 This semester Rob and I normally have really good conversations on Mondays because we both happen to have an hour break at the same time. He is so challenging every time we talk. If I am slacking in something, Rob always has a way to encourage me to do better. He loves talking about what he sees God doing around him. I love this! I love hearing about the DNOWs that he gets the privilege to be apart of. Hearing what God is doing in other places makes me encouraged that he is doing great things in my own life. Rob loves to share and ask about what God is doing in my life. This is something that always amazes me; that he can stay so sincere in wanting to be around other people. He is an extremely genuine guy and I'm so thankful that God has placed him as such a good friend in my life. 

How to describe Andrew Thaddeus Martin? That is the question.

Drew is probably one of the funniest guys I know. So often I get stressed out and Drew is there to say, "Woah! Lauren chill out." It is great to have that in my life. How many people get to say that they have someone in their life who automatically makes your day happier with one hug of encouragement? I do! Drew loves to joke around and be funny and sarcastic but one of my favorite things is when Drew opens up and we can have great conversations about things that Benjamin has told him that impacted him or things that God has been moving and molding in his life. Drew loves to give hugs and it is so great. When I have a bad day, there is Drew to encourage and help out. It also helps that he lets me be motherly and take care of him sometimes.

Overall, these men that God has placed in my life are people that I love and are important to me. College would have been so different without Rob, Casey and Drew. Life would have been just completely unimaginable without my Dad. These men are such good role models for the people around them. They love Jesus and are my brothers (or Dad) in Christ. I love that I have the opportunity to be encouraged by and to encourage them.

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

- Hebrews 10:24-25