Double Standards

Recently I was having a conversation with a group of friends that really caused me to step back and think. The questions posed was this: "Is there a double standard that exists between Christian men and women in regards to purity?" A friend and I had suggested that a male friend of ours probably should not look at certain pictures, even though these pictures were not "porn" or "bad". We felt that they would hinder his walk and that was something that we felt the Lord wouldn't want. But then the question was, "Why can you (as a girl) look at these types of photos and I (as a boy) shouldn't?"

The first thing I thought, was that I didn't struggling physically with purity! Why should I not do something when it doesn't effect me in a way that hinders my walk with God? It wasn't fair. It wasn't that big of a deal for me to see a guy in a swimsuit. As soon as I stopped looking, it left my mind. From my relationships with my brother and close guys, I knew that this is not how guys respond.

Later last night, I continued to think on the subject and I came to the conclusion of this: there is indeed a double standard; just not in the same way that these guys seemed to think there was. 

Girls are very emotional. I used to wonder why I loved watching the Disney princess movies or reading romance novels and boys didn't. I began to realize that it is because it tugs at my emotions, which is how I relate as a girl. These books make me feel emotions that felt good and that I wanted. Most of these feelings were not meant to be felt in the season of life that I was in. They were not "bad" emotions but God had created them to be in a different time. These emotional movies and books can normally be related to girls the same way that sex movies and playboy magazines are to guys.

From what I know ( for I am NOT an expert) guys are addicted to these things because they relate physically. This is how God created them and not a bad thing. Sin has polluted God's plan and made it difficult. This creates a cycle of shame and guilt that brings them even further into their sin. How my heart breaks for the way my Christian brothers struggle!

Girls struggle in such a different way. When we read these books or watch these movies, a sense of discontentment overcomes us. Why don't I look that way? Why does that type of girl always get the guy but I never seem to be able to? Why doesn't my current boyfriend act more like the Prince Charming? Doesn't someone want to love me like that? These questions are the things that we battle everyday. God has not called us to discontentment. Many Christian girls know in their heads the truth that we are God's masterpieces and perfect the way we are. But many of us struggle to have these questions answered in our heart. We analyze and try to get love from the people (mainly guys) around us to answer these questions instead of taking these insecurities to God.

So yes there is a double standard. Does the church really emphasize that emotional purity is usually (not always) harder for girls to keep under control than physical purity? Or does the church focus on only the actions (such as porn and sex) and not of the heart? Also, don't we tend to take down our guards around other Christians? When we are around non-Christians, we act differently and then think, "Oh well this person is a Christian so I don't have to guard myself as much or them." What a terrible attitude we have all been taking on. We should guard each other the same if not more.

My challenge to myself and other women is this: If I am around my brothers, why should I look at guys I think are cute because it doesn't bother me, when I know that it will tempt my brothers to do the same? I shouldn't put stumbling blocks in their paths. I should dress modestly in order to help protect my brothers. To consider when I put on an outfit if my motives to wear this was to attract attention to myself and to cause guys to want me. I don't want Christian girls to tempt my future husband and cause him to struggle. These guys that are in my life now are some girls' future husbands. I should offer the same courtesy to these women.

My challenge to the guys around me: Help us too! We struggle with things emotionally. Don't talk about relationships all the time around us. Don't compare women in front of us. It just causes us to compare ourselves. Don't flirt with us and play games with us. Things that you think may not be a big deal to you can mean so much to us. How often do you use terms of endearments with the girls around you or tell girls you love them and not realized the effect that it has on us? Do you do it on purpose because you know the power of our emotions and how to sway them? Would you want some other man to take parts of your future wife's heart that belongs to you? Wouldn't you want the guys around her to protect and guard her like the warrior God has created you to be?

Also, we can't forget that while these are the main things that we struggle with, both sexes struggle with the opposite as well. Girls struggle with lust just as guys can be lead on and played games with. We are called to protect each other in this fight against sin and to pursue purity.

"True purity, however, is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise." - Joshua Harris

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." - Hebrews 10:24

Are our actions helping each other to pursue God's calling to purity and righteousness?