Just like that awkward first date...

I'm sure that you are very curious as to what this post could be about because of my title. Well it is actually about the importance of prayer. IF there is one thing that I wished I could be blessed with and something that I continually hope for is that I will one day greatly desire to pray. I could read scripture all day, but something about prayer doesn't come naturally to me. Eventually I hope it will be a part of me just like breathing, but for now it is something that I have to work at, to continually practice the discipline of because it is so rewarding.

It has been a long time up until tonight that I have truly prayed and sought to enter into the Lord's presence. Sure, I have scribbled a prayer in my journal when I felt obligated or guilty, or when something was really really wrong, but I have not wanted to converse with God. Over the summer, Deb Entsminger and Sam Hull really taught me a lot about prayer through example, but somewhere along the way, I started to forget the benefits and beauty of it. I recently told Erin about my difficulties in this area, which was something so difficult for me. There is so much apart of me that deeply values what other people think of me; I am a people pleaser. Erin is a prayer warrior, so it was difficult for me to tell her that I was struggling, that I wasn't this perfect Christian who always wanted to pray and seek after the Lord. It was hard to be vulnerable with her even after I had been so many times in past. And just like her answer to all of my life's questions and struggles, Erin said to me, "Lauren, you need to pray." She took me as I was and just told me to get it over with.

Well tonight I finally did. I decided I was going to get it over with and see if God really wanted to talk to me still after I had been ignoring His call for months. He did   :)   It felt like an awkward first date. It was like I couldn't remember how to pray or how to communicate with God. It was like speaking with your childhood best friend after not seeing each other for years. We know so much about each other, but I could not communicate. I was nervous and fidgety. I sat on my bed for a couple of minutes in just silence, just working up the courage to talk to God. I knew that if I didn't feel his presence, that I would be devastated. I finally broke the ice and started talking. It was like everything came flooding out; the dam had finally broken. I poured out everything that I had been keeping to myself, even those things that I hadn't admitted to myself yet.

It was so wonderful. To feel the Lord sweep over me and through me was a beautiful experience. It felt just like I was returning home. The initial first date awkwardness was over and out of it was a natural outpouring. Why I decided to fall out of contact with the Lord, I have no idea. All I know is that it was terrible. There is no worse thing, than to be separated from God. And nothing can separate us, but I had chosen to distance myself from the Lord. The good thing is though, He pulls us back into His welcoming arms. Prayer and constant communication with God is so important. I never want God to feel like a stranger or a first date, but like a life-long Friend, Father, Redeemer, Savior, King, and Lord.

A New Beginning...

So many of you know that I have finished my journey through the Old Testament. It has been a good 2 year long journey, where the Lord has taught me a lot. I am now moving into the New Testament. I have decided to read through the gospels and just soak in Christ.

Tonight when we were having a prayer and worship night at the pirate house, I started reading Matthew. I read the first 4 chapters and was totally amazed at how dense the New Testament is. Matthew 1 starts off with the genealogy of Christ. I was reading it and realized that only 5 times does it mentions who someone's mother was. Most of the time it is so and so the father of so and so. But occasionally it breaks from this and mentions the mother as well. This must mean that there was something spectacular about her. Something that made the historians realize that her story MUST be included and remembered. Hannah and I are starting to look through the women of the Bible in our 1-1's starting this week and what it looks like to be a woman of God. I think that these 5 women would be a great place to start.

1. Tamar 
2. Rahab
3. Ruth
4. "...whose mother had been Uriah's wife." or Bathesheba
5. Mary the mother of Jesus

I can't wait to dive into these with Hannah and see what the Lord will be teaching us.

"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew." Matthew 4:18\a

• I love that this says that Jesus was walking. Jesus did not sit on his butt and wait for his disciples to come and find him. He sought them out and found them. He looked for those that he wanted to follow him and was active in it. 

"They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen." Matthew 4:18b

• At first glance, this verse is very easy to skip over. The thing is though, this verse can tell us more about our identity and actions that any "How-To" book. This says that Peter and Andrew had their identity as fishermen. It is how they made their livliehood. It is was the were DEFINED by. What they were DEFINED by determined their ACTIONS. They were casting the net because they were fishermen. If we have our identity as a disciple of Christ, what actions prove that? As a student, I study. As a disciple of Christ, we should make disciples, love and forgive; to give the grace that has been given us. OUR IDENTITY DETERMINES OUR ACTIONS!

"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will send you out to fish for people." vs. 19

• Jesus doesn't play around. He is very upfront with what he is calling Peter and Andrew into. He doesn't say, "Come, follow me, so that I can turn you into someone who goes to church more or reads their bible more or can memorize a ton a scripture." While these things are good, he says my mission is to TRAIN you to MAKE MORE DISCIPLES. Jesus doesn't try to hide it or spring it on them after they are already too committed.

"At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John." vs 20-21a

• Jesus doesn't stop with Peter and Andrew. HE KEEPS GOING. You can't say that once you have made one disciple while you were in college or a young adult that you have completed your end of the bargain. It is a life mission, something that keeps on going. 

"They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets." vs. 21b

• Their identity as fishermen, not only determined their actions, but it DETERMINED THEIR LOCATION. These men were on a boat because that is where the fish were. As a student, you can find me at Georgia Tech, a college campus. As a disciple of Christ, you should find me in the darkness as a light to those around me. You shouldn't find me in my "holy huddle" of only Christian friends, but you should find me in the muck and grind looking for those that I can share the Good News with. We need Jesus to wash our feet because he expects us to get dirty in our travels to preach the Gospel. 

"Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him." vs. 22

• Do I immediately follow when God calls me to go somewhere or to do something? Most of the time I argue or ask questions to post-pone it. They didn't even gather anything. They didn't say goodbye to their father or mother. They IMMEDIATELY left what they were doing. They left their lives and everything that was familiar and comfortable to them. 

Essentially, this is what I have been learning and the observations that I have made. I was amazed to get all of that out of 4 verses. I'm excited to see where God will take me next. 

Jonah and I. Two Peas in a Pod?

"In my distress I called to the Lord,

and he answered me.

From the depths of the grave I called for help,

and you listened to my cry.

You hurled me into the deep,

into the very heart of the seas,

and the currents swirled about me;

all your waves and breakers

swept over me.

I said, 'I have been banished

from your sight;

yet I will look again

toward your holy temple.'

The engulfing waters threatened me,

the deep surrounded me;

seaweed was wrapped around my head.

To the roots of the mountains I sank down; 

the earth beneath barred me in forever.

But you brought my life up from the pit,

O Lord my God.

When my life was ebbing away,

I remembered you, Lord,

and my prayer rose to you,

to your holy temple.

'Those who cling to worthless idols

forfeit the grace that could be theirs.

But I, with a song of thanksgiving, 

will sacrifice to you.

What I have vowed I will make good.

Salvation comes from the Lord.'"

Jonah 2:2-9

Tonight at North Ave, we had a worship session that was really awesome, but I knew that my heart wasn't in the right place. These past couple of weeks has been really hard. The enemy gained a lot of ground in my life while I was just trying to stay afloat. The thing was though, I have been trying to stay afloat in the ocean of this world with a little inner-tube that I created by my own strength instead of turning to the huge rescue boat that Jesus sent just for me! Jesus has been calling out to me; to let Him rescue me and not for me to do it on my own. It is exhausting you know. It really is. 

Tonight I borrowed Kayla's bible and turned to Jonah because I hadn't had time in the Word in almost a week. I began to read Jonah's prayer to God while he was in the belly of the whale. And it hit me that Jonah and I are like two peas in a pod. I may not have been running from God but I had definitely been attempting to hide/ignore Him. I praise God that in the depths of the grave that I dig for myself continually, He hears me and lifts me out. 

Georgia Tech has really felt like the churning ocean that Jonah was tossed in. I feel like the currents of pride, self-reliance, and dependence on academics has been the seaweed that has been tangling me into the sea. The engulfing waters that threatened Jonah has been the P-Chem and Inorganic assignments that never seem to end, the Calculus that is continually hovering and pulling me under. 

The safety net of my own success or failure in school has been the worthless idols that I have clung to. I have clung to a self-relying attitude instead of a dependence on God. I have been forfeiting the grace that is offered to me. The grace that is in Christ Jesus is mine! Mine to have and to give to others.

Salvation comes from the Lord. I'm choosing to give up my own failing safety device and I'm reaching out to grab Jesus' hand to pull me aboard His rescue boat. In the storm of school, hard decisions, and life's tsunamis, Jesus can calm the sea. He did it once and He can do it again. Of that I am certain. 

A Letter From God

Dear Lauren,

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed in the box, do not hold onto it.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don’t despair. There are people in this world for which driving is an unheard privilege. Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for years. Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it is like to love and be loved in return. Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk. Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient who wishes she had hair to examine. Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity. Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember that things could be worse. You could be them!

I love you more than you can imagine. I love the person sitting right next you and I want you to love them as well as you love yourself. Have you met my Son? He died for you. Because of my Son’s sacrifice, I can directly talk to you, to send you this letter. If you haven’t met Him yet, then you should. Just have a conversation with him. He is really looking forward to meeting you.

With love,

Daddy

Our Calling

How many of you have heard that God has given us, as Christians, a calling to bear his witness to the world? To be a light in a city of darkness. To preach the gospel to those who have never heard it?

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."                      -Matthew 28:18-20

So many people have heard this verse which is commonly called The Great Commission. Missionaries are often called by this verse. To go and make disciples of all nations. They hear that and want to go to Africa, China, Japan, South America to share the gospel. Which is GREAT! But I myself have never felt the calling to do mission trips or ministry in a foreign country. For a long time, when I was younger, I thought that I must have been a bad Christian because I didn't want to go to the countries that have not heard the gospel.

If you know me, then you know that my heart is for intercity schools, specifically in Atlanta. I want to teach chemistry and I want to get an investigative bible study going in those schools. Something that people who are curious or have no knowledge can come and ask questions without being surrounded by tons of people who already know the answers. This is what I know that God has called me to. This morning in my time alone with God, I was reading in Ezekiel and felt affirmed in my calling.

You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen, for they are rebellious.     - Ezekiel 2:7

Over the summer at STP, this verse would have been very helpful. We are to speak the gospel and the WORD OF GOD, not my words, but His Word. It doesn't matter if they listen to us or fail to listen but the fact that we obey Him.

You are not being sent to a people of obscure speech and difficult language, but to the house of Israel--not to many peoples of obscure speech and difficult language, whose words you cannot understand. Surely if I had sent you to them, they would have listened to you. - Ezekiel 3:5-6

This was so affirming to hear. God doesn't send all Christians to people of a foreign country. In fact, it says that those people are more willing to listen because their hearts have not been hardened towards God and the gospel. People in America, especially in the South, have heard of the love of God for the most part. There are a few who have never heard but with a church on every street it can be difficult to avoid.

In Gatlinburg, during evangelism, the hardest thing to figure out was how to share with "cultural Christians" or those who have heard the message but don't practice or actively and daily walk with Jesus. It made me happy to realize that even Ezekiel who was a great prophet was not promised to have all people listen to him. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

I just love the way God speaks to me through the Old Testament. He keeps giving me revelation and transformation, not just information for head knowledge.

Fun and Fellowship and Fear

So today has been such a great time of fun and fellowship with my Campus Outreach brothers and sisters in Christ. I love them all so much and it has been a blessing to work with other programs. It is so good to hear the heart of other ministries and how God is using them to bring glory to His kingdom. It doesn't matter who's program is "better" or "bigger" but that all groups are coming together with the united goal to reach non-believers for Christ and to glorify His name.

First of all I want to praise God for some things. Those of you who know me and family and have for a long time will know that this is indeed a blessing. This summer has been a great time of fellowship with my sister Leah. We used to fight all the time and didn't want to be around each other. I think it is a true testament to God's power and mercy, that he has been able to change both of our hearts towards each other over the past 2 years. He has taught us how to forgive each other and also how to ask for forgiveness. Leah and I got to spend a quiet time together and it was a beautiful time with the Lord and each other. I'm so thankful for my sister, no matter what I used to say when I was younger. It has been super exciting to see Leah grow in Christ and I can't wait to see how much more she starts to look like and represent Him on Valdosta's campus as an RA. I can't thank God enough for the opportunity to help Leah grow but also to see how He moves in Leah and teaches her and guides her.

On that note, I want to share what I have been learning. Can I just say that I have grown so much this summer that I will be processing for months afterwards?! In my XTAWG (Extended Time Alone With God), basically a 4 hour quiet time that I get every Tuesday, I continued my journey through the Old Testament into Isaiah. I was in Isaiah 9 and my world got ROCKED!

The Lord spoke to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people. He said: 

        "Do not call conspiracy everything that these people call conspiracy; do not fear what they fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread..."

 When I read this I zoomed in on the fact that is says "the one you are to regard as holy" which makes me think that before that, there was something else I regarded as holy. So then I went back and read that it was talking about the things that I fear. I began to realize that when I fear things in my life, I am regarding them as holy. I am giving them this power over me in my life that belongs only to the Lord. I have put these fears of mine on a pedestal and have feared them when the person I should fear is the Lord. I also have begun to realize that when I fear things, I have let myself believe LIES about God. I have let myself think that He is not sufficient enough, not strong enough, not whatever it is that would counter my fears. So I made a list of my fears and scripture to battle those.

1. One of my fears is something that I think a lot of people can relate to. I fear that God will make me stay single all my life. This is not something that I want and I fear that God will not be enough in my life. But I am choosing to know that God is El Shaddai, the All-Sufficient One, and will be enough. I also love Jeremiah 29:11 which says, " 'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"  Now I am not saying that this is a promise to me from God for a husband but it is a promise to me from God that says whatever his plans are for me, they are GOOD!! Even if I stayed single all my life, God has good plans for me that would bring HIS name glory. And I'm choosing to battle against my fear and know that God IS enough for me. 
2. To fail to graduate from Georgia Tech with what the world tells me is a good GPA. This is a fear that many GT students can tell you is so real and a huge thing at Tech. Tech is so good about telling us how we aren't good enough, that we will never be smart enough, that we won't get a job or Co-op without a 4.0 GPA. Well my God tells me: "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" [Romans 8:32]  God doesn't tell me his will give me a 4.0 but he does tell me that he will provide for me whatever I need to accomplish HIS will for my life. Maybe not my will, but definitely whatever his will is for my life. 
3. This next fear was a little hard to recognize and so it was definitely a hard one to realize. To lose Erin Randalow at the end of the year to a job somewhere far far away. Now Erin when you read this, understand that I love you and have loved our 2 years together and can't wait for the 3rd. I think the reason why this was such a fear, is because when Erin started discipling me my freshman year of college, I really started to grow in my faith and start to make it my own. Erin taught me basically everything and I don't know where I would be without her. But I had started to equate Erin to my source. And my source can only be God. That would be an empty life if I only depended on Erin and it would be a terrible burden for her. Not that she doesn't love meeting with me, but only God can be our true source of teaching and faith.  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." [Ephesians 4:15-16] How silly would it be for a elbow to receive direction and guidance from the knee? In the same why, while Erin can give me advise and guide me, my ultimate guide must be the Head which is Christ. This summer has really begun to teach me how my faith is just that. MINE. 
4. To not be needed by someone. I think that this is a really basic fear for most people. To leave the room and have no one notice you left, or to be out of normally communication and when you come back on, no one missed that you were gone. And I love the way the Lord spoke into this fear of mine. The Lord may not need me because he is El Shaddai but he WANTS me. Even though I am a sinner, he wanted and delighted in giving me the gift of eternal salvation so that I could be with him forever. "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." [Matthew 10:29-31] The Creator and most Holy One wants to be with me and cares about me. He knows when I leave the room and he knows when I haven't been talking to him. He rejoices when I pray to him and long for him. What a good God we have. 
5. This last fear, is something that I know all girls struggle with. It is an elemental fear that Satan attacks us with. To not be beautiful to someone. Now I know that when most girls say this, we automatically say, "But your so beautiful! How do you not see it?" The thing is though, I believe that it is not just that we want outward beauty. We want to be found to be a beautiful person on the inside and we want to be of a beautiful spirit and personality. "The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord." [Psalm 45:11] God knows all my sin, all my imperfections and still finds me beautiful. He loves me and is enthralled by me. I love knowing that. 

So basically this week, I have been battling my fears. Realizing what they were and then fighting them. Making an effort to fight the lies about God that Satan whispers in my ear. I fight with Scripture and it is a daily battle but the Lord is sufficient. He is mighty in power and will not be defeated. God can overcome any of my fears.

Whew....

Who knew so much could fit into a summer? I know that it has been a while since I updated but I am sticking to my guns and I'm going to do it now. First I just want to say that I still love my job, my team and the whole program. This summer has been too amazing to fit into a blog. Also these are only going to be the highlights. I can only share the big things that have just been too awesome to hide. When you see me next, I may have processed more and more. I will be learning from this summer for years to come.

Last Thursday was one of the worst/best days of my life. Work was stressful and busy. Everything that would normally not bother me was like taking a cheese grader to my frayed nerves. I stayed later at work than I wanted to because every Thursday we have evangelism. My team and I go into Gatlinburg or Pigeon Forge and share the bridge illustration of the gospel. If I had my will be done instead of God's will, I would not have gone into Gatlinburg to share. I was frustrated and annoyed and didn't have the right attitude. It is testament to God's power that my heart was completely melted and softened that night. We were praying before we left so that always helps get into the right mind set but I still wasn't super excited to be going out. I got to be paired up with Kayla Anderson and that was exciting. I shared with a woman named Emily first. She didn't seem super interested but at least she let me share the gospel. Kayla shared with a woman named Penny and it was great! Kayla did such an awesome job presenting the gospel in a way that was easy to understand but challenging to the spirit. Penny was really thankful that Kayla shared and said that she had things to think about now.

So at this point we had about 20 minutes left but I still felt like there was still work to do. I hadn't accomplished what God had for me that night. I knew it had to do with young girls. In the weeks before, I was using older people as a crutch. I knew that girls my age can judge, can make fun of so easily and I figured that old people would take pity on the young college girl sharing the gospel. I was afraid to approach young girls but I KNEW without a doubt that I was going to have an opportunity to break my crutch and follow in obedience. I was TERRIFIED!! I didn't want to have to make that choice. To follow in God's will or to follow in mine. What was I going to do?

We were walking along the sidewalk and Kayla pointed out 2 girls who looked high school age sitting on a wall. I knew it as soon as I saw them. This was it. Was I going to share the gospel and the love of God or was I going to let fear rule my actions? These girls could make fun of me. They could reject Christ. All these doubts just kept going through my mind. But the still whisper that said, "I love them too" just kept repeating. We approached the girls and they seemed really excited for us to share. We sat down and I started to lay out the bridge. I talked and shared and it just seemed that these words and stories from my own life just started flowing out. How was this happening? I hadn't thought about that as an example before. Only by the Spirit were these words coming out of my mouth. I got to share the whole bridge with them and also bits and pieces of my testimony and how God had worked in my life. It became apparent to me throughout the conversation that Hannah was a believer and Bailey was not. We got to talk to Hannah a bit about what it looked like to make Christ the Lord of your life based on what Romans 6:23 says to us:

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

It was really neat. At some point during sharing the bridge, Hannah's older sister Sarah and husband Nathan walked up to us. They were both believers and seemed very excited about us sharing the gospel with the girls. I asked Bailey what she thought of what we had said and if she would be interested in receiving the gift of eternal life. I had never before wanted someone else's salvation so badly. She was so close to receiving the gospel!! I had asked if she had a bible and if she had said no instead of yes, I would have handed her my brand new bible gladly! Bailey needed more time to process her questions but I continue to pray for her and that she will bring her questions to God.

I think that Bailey was one of the most exciting people and events for my whole summer. She completely renewed my desire for evangelism. It showed that even though I was in a bad mood going in, that God could melt this heart of stone and break it for Bailey as God's heart breaks for her. If I had had my will be done, I would not have gone out that night. I would have missed the opportunity that God wanted for both myself and for Bailey, Hannah, Sarah and Nathan; to be encouraged and to have the gospel presented. God doesn't need us in our best form to evangelize; He is the BEST in us; through our weaknesses, his power and glory is shown.

Even though that was only about event since I last blogged, that is enough for one post. I love you guys and will post again soon!!

Can't Get Away

Can't Get Away - Rush of Fools


I am an arrow, I am a rocket
I am a river and nothing can stop it
Cause You are the target and You are the atmosphere
You are the ocean that keeps pulling me, You're pulling me here

[Chorus:]
And I, can't get away, can't get away
Can't get away, can't get away
I can't get away, can't get away...I keep running into You
[repeat]

I am a beggar, You are the table
I am so helpless, God You are so able
And when I get turned around You change my direction
You're so perfect, I'm so broken, here You come with arms wide open 
Chasing after me down every road
You're always waiting there

[Chorus]

Even when I close my eyes, I can't help but see 
There's no place that I can hide, You're such a part of me
I can't get away cause I keep running into You
I can't get away...

[Chorus]

This song speaks to me so much right now as I am sitting in Books-a-million for time with Jesus and bible study prep. I just love that I can't get away from God. Here I am at STP and even though I am running after him now, I know that after this summer is over, I will never lose Him. He chases after me and surrounds me. So the first verse describes my feelings right now, just striving after the Lord my target. But I know that if my course changes at any point, God will direct me back to Him. I can't escape the Lord Almighty and I don't know why I would want to. Some how though it always happens. Satan pulls me away but the Lord is so much stronger. 




I have always loved the story of Hosea and the fact that God welcomes me back with open arms is  just something that brings me to my knees every time in worship. I chase after false gods and idols time and time again and every time God pursues me and romances me back into his arms. I am so unfaithful and still He wants me. I have always known this but for some reason, the awesomeness of it all just struck me in this coffee shop. The fact that God wants me: the broken, imperfect, unfaithful, messed up me. Yet the Lord Jehovah, Elohim who created me, finds me lovely and wonderful. 


I love the way God speaks and I can't wait to hear more. I didn't even realize that I needed to be told that by God until it happened. Isn't it cool how God knows my heart and its desires even before I do? My God is outside of time and still manages to focus on me and speak intimately and personally to me!

STP So Far!

So STP is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I got here on Saturday June 4th. I had spent the night with Victoria because she is awesome. It was so good to see one of my best friends. It was an encouraging time to see her and catch up. Alexa and I drove up here together and it was a wonderful trip. We just talked the whole time and I'm sure her parents thought that I never stopped talking. When we got here I was the first person from my team besides me team leader. I'll introduce you to my team.

Right behind me is Lauren Zezulka, then Molly Broome, Samantha Hull, and Taryn Stait (from left to right). Sam and Taryn are our team leaders and are completely awesome. Molly and Zee are the best team members ever. We have been growing closer over the past couple of days. When you live together, worship together, study the bible together, and white water raft together, you get to be really close. I can't wait to see how God works among this great group. We have started calling ourselves the Sisterhood of the Traveling Spirit (STS)! On our hotel door room is a tree with all our names on it and trees have kind of become our mascot. We have matching tree necklaces and journals.

Let me tell you about white water rafting on Monday. It was so crazy! Also everyone should know that I finally remembered to put sunscreen on and did not get sunburned. In fact I got a tan! But our team was in a raft with another STPer named Rachel. Our guides name is Mitch and he had only been leading passengers for 3 weeks so we knew we were in for a trip. We were going great and then IT HAPPENED!!  Another raft had gotten stuck on a rock and a 2nd raft got stuck almost underneath the lip of the other raft. The 2nd raft flipped over after already losing a member. My team quickly pulled into the boat as many people as we could. I pulled in a new friend of mine named Meredith. I felt super legit grabbing her life jacket and yanking her into the boat. She had been under for a while so she was really shaken up. So at this point my boat has 9 passengers plus our guide and we were coming up on a class 4 rapid. The Ocoee River only has 2 class 4 rapids and it was going to be intense with that much weight on the boat. We get into the rapid and since I was at the front, the water was rushing right into my chest. The water was so powerful it swept me out of the boat but my feet were locked into the boat. My face and body was under the water but my feet were keeping me from being able to get away from the rapid and breathe. I eventually dislodged my feet and went under completely. Another raft that didnt realize where I was rode right over me and hit me in the helmet. I was super thankful for that though because it told me where the surface was. I eventually got up and in the swimmer position. I heard someone yell "GRAB THE ROPE!!" so I was flailing around found the rope. They pulled me to their raft and got me in the boat. My adrenaline was pumping at the point but I wouldn't trade it for the world. We met up with Mitch and swapped people around until we were all in our original boats. It was the best trip and the most exciting trip I had been on. I have been on that particular river 4 times so I was happy to have a new experience.

We got back and I got to play 6 games of beach volleyball where me and my team went undefeated!! There are lots of Laurens here so everyone has started calling me by my school nickname Money! Trish would be super happy about the nickname being continued.

So now that the small stuff has been covered, let me tell you about the BIG stuff! God has been doing great things! Before the summer began, I felt really lethargic and unable to have any time with God. It was super discouraging because I wanted to get into the groove for STP. When I got here though I found out it was like that for my whole team. Satan had been working so hard to keep us from growing before the summer started. Well now that we are here, God has been working in a mighty way. It has only been 5 days!!

Our bible study for the whole summer is about Intimacy with Christ. I am really excited about this because it is the ultimate goal for the summer: to grow in my relationship with Christ and to know Him on a deeper level. This first week is Colossians 1 which is exciting because I did this chapter with Erin my freshman year but I am learning way new stuff!! Our memory verse for the week is Colossians 1: 13-14 which says:

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

This verse has been really powerful this week. I love the imagery of God being my knight in shining armor and rescuing me from Satan who had me trapped in my sin. I also love that we have been forgiven of our sins. I am such a sinful person. Maybe not as much outwardly but I have a lot of sinful attitudes and perceptions. The stronger we become in our faith the sneaker and less noticeable Satan is when he gets us to sin. 

In my times alone with God, I have been continuing through the Old Testament. Psalms has really been blessing me and communicating God's character and heart for me. My other verse for this week is Psalm 8:4-5 which says:

what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. 

This verse just really spoke humility into my life this week. To continually remember that God is so perfect and holy and I am sinful and broken. Still God cares for me and loves me. This is something that I may never understand but I am so thankful for it. He wants to give me good things and to lift me up from my sin. Praise the Lord for Christ who has covered me in His righteousness because I have none of my own. 

Another verse that has really spoken to me has been Psalm 9:10a which says: "Those who know your name will trust in you." It really made me think about how often I don't trust in God. I clearly have a lot of getting to know God's character so that I can fully trust him. God has never let me down before so I have no reason not to trust him and yet I still find it so hard. It is hard to trust someone who is not a tangible person. God though has been one of the most real things in my life and what he has done for me and through me. 

Last night at Nav Night Dave Bachman spoke on the Need of the Hour. It was really good because he talked about how often we make God so much smaller than he really is and we limit our need for him because of self sufficient attitude. He took the talk from this man named Dawson Troutman and I love the quote that he gave.

The greatest need of the world is an army of believers who know they need a big God and trust him to transform and use their broken lives.  - Dawson Trotman

 I love this chart that they showed us. That at the point we become a believer in Christ we continue to grow in our awareness of God's holiness but at the same time we realize more and more the depth of our sin. It is not that these things are getting bigger. I am not growing more sinful nor in God becoming more holy. It is simply that my awareness of those are growing. From this growing awareness I also come to realize the full depth of my need of a Savior in Christ Jesus. Praise the Lord for the Redeemer.

That has been my short week so far at STP. I know it is a lot but I will try to update every Wednesday on my day off. If you could please be praying for my summer, I would love for that! The areas in my life that I am really working on this summer is:

1. Discipline - Anyone who knows me knows that this is something I really struggle with. The structure of the summer has helped so far and my team is helping hold me accountable for my scripture memory and review and spending Time Alone With God (TAWG). 
2. Submission - I LOVE control. I want to lead everything! Whether in bible study, 1-1's, exercise, class or relationships, I always want to be the one to set the pace. But that is not my job. God should be in ultimate control. 

Pray for these things above all! I miss everyone and will try to keep everyone updated!!

King?

What does it mean for God to my King? I have a President, a principal, an administrator, a boss, and tons of other authority type figures in my life but I have only God as an example as a King. I think that in the time that we have grown up without this, the word has almost lost meaning.

King (def.) --sovereign ruler; generally used to denote one invested with authority; greek word melek

If God is my King then he should be the ultimate authority on all things; especially the decisions that I make. It also makes me think that all the times that I put God on hold or tell Him to wait, I am putting royalty on hold. 

At Nav Nite, a couple of weeks before school let out, a wise man asked us what characteristic of God is the least real in our lives and now I think that this is mine. To know God as my King is something that I haven't quite figured out yet but I'm hoping for a good chance to try and the wisdom from God to understand. 

We shall see how it goes. 

Who said God wasn't sarcastic?

I am finally finished with Job and what a finish it was. I have decided that God can definitely have his sassy moments. On dictionary.com sassy is defined as being "lively, bold and full of spirit; cheeky"
When he has been tested and is like "Ok? Your such a know-it-all now? Can you do x,y, and z?" Reading through chapters 38-42 just makes me say WOAH! God is telling Job!

My good friend and sister in Christ Haley would really like this passage. Mostly because God is being totally sarcastic with Job and just a little on the sassy side, which is completely how Haley communicates. But these last chapters pretty much have a couple of keep points besides God telling Job off.

1. God totally re-establishes his justice as the highest law. 
There is not something that is "fair and right" and something separate that is God's law. God is God and is a just God. Whether we understand that system or think that it is fair doesn't matter. It is still just and still meets God's standards. He doesn't ask us to like it, or even to accept it at all times [we are human and stubborn] but why insult the Creator and Just God by telling Him what is fair and right.

"Who has a claim against me that I must pay?" Job 41:11a

2. God re-establishes his power.

God talks for a long time in chapter 38:4 - 41 all about his characteristics that make him God. He talks about his strength, wisdom, fearlessness, fearsomeness, power, knowledge, royalty, justice, splendor and majesty. He talks to Job and says "Are you any of these things?" God completely puts Job in his place.

"Nothing on earth is his equal-a creature without fear." Job 41:33

3. Job FINALLY humbles himself before God.

It's about time that Job got off his high horse about how perfect he is. I know that so many times I can be a complete know-it-all. In this way, I relate to Job. I think it may be a just me thing but also something that Georgia Tech breeds into us. I so many times will think that I know best, that I know the right thing. I can always do it better than some one else. I have also been on the receiving end like Job was of when God humbles us. It is a painful experience but one meant to show us more and more our dependence on God. 

"Then Job replied to the Lord:

'I know that you can do all things;

no plan of yours can be thwarted.

You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' 

Surely I spoke of things that I did not understand,

things to wonderful for me to know.

You said, ' Listen now, and I will speak; 

I will question you,

and you shall answer me.'

My ears had heard of you

but now my eyes have seen you.

Therefore I despise myself

and repent in dust and ashes."

Job 42:1-6

Im really glad that even when I am at home and not at Georgia Tech, where I have been growing so much, the Lord still meets me here. Satan recently has made me soo busy in my mind where before I knew it, the day was over and I had spent no alone time with God. Well I refuse to let that be a habit of my summer. I will develop holy habits even if it does take me all summer. 

Wisdom From the Younger Guy

...Continued from before :)

So now I will share the meat of what Elihu said to Job and the three friends. And let me tell you, he straight up gives it to them. He doesn't hold back on his words and he is not afraid to call them out on wrong view points and incorrect attitudes. So fasten your seat belt!

In verse 6 of Chapter 33 Elihu says, "I am just like you before God; I too have been made from clay." I think that this is an excellent example of how you should start off a confrontational situation. To say, "Look. I am no better than you. We were both made from dust. Don't take what I have to say as looking down on your or myself having a high and mighty attitude." I think it is super awesome that he starts off this way.

Verses 8-14 crack me up. Elihu quotes what Job has said to them. Job had said that he was "pure and without sin; I [Job] am clean and free from guilt." Then he goes on to completely tell Job that he is wrong.

"But I tell you, in this you are not right, for God is greater than man. Why do you complain to him that he answers none of man's words? For God does speak-now one way, now another- though man may not perceive it."

I love that Elihu is saying "YOU ARE HUMAN". Just like everyone else. We all mess up. Who are you Job to say what God must have done wrong or that you don't deserve what you are getting. We cannot understand his reasons. Elihu goes on to talk about the different ways that God speaks. In verses 15-22, Elihu says that two ways that God speaks to us is through dreams and suffering. These were very come ways to hear from God in these times.

Now if you feel like OK this Elihu kid has some good things to say just wait for what comes next.

"Yet if there is an angel on his side as a mediator, one out of a thousand, to tell a man what is right for him, to be gracious to him and say, 'Spare him from going down to the grave; I have found a ransom for him' - then his flesh is renewed like a child's; it is restored as in the days of his youth. He prays to God and finds favor with him, he sees God's face and shouts for joy; he is restored by God to his righteous sate. Then he comes to men and says, 'I sinned, and perverted what was right, but I did not get what I deserved. He redeemed my soul from going down to the pit, and I will live to enjoy the light.'"

If that doesn't give you chill bumps or make your heart race, then go put your head in cold cold water and then come back and read that again. What Elihu didn't know is that we do have someone who finds and gives a ransom for us. A man who restores us to God by a righteous state. A man who redeems our soul and allows us to live in the light of the Creator forever. Than man is Jesus! He saved us and has given us mercy! We are given WHAT WE DON'T DESERVE! All because the Lord our God is full of love, mercy and grace. Jesus paid the ransom for our lives with his own. "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." (2 Corinthians 5:21) Jesus paid the ransom and I am forever thankful that I can become the righteousness of God. Not because of who I am or what I have done but because of the Great I AM and what Jesus has done.

When I was reading this, I was loving the parallels to Christ. It made me so thankful that I don't have to look forward to the hope of a savior but that I have one now.

The Young Wise Guy (Ironic Right?)

So it is time for another update on Job. He has had it rough recently and has been getting tons of advice (most of it not the best for his situation) and a new guy is entering the scene.

In Chapter 32 this young man named Elihu (these Old Testament people need to work on their names!) enters the scene. Apparently he has been sitting their listening to Job and his friends go back and forth the whole time, patiently waiting until he could talk and put in his two sense.

In verse 2 it says, "But Elihu son of Barakel the Buzite, of the family of Ram, became very angry with Job for justifying himself rather than God." Alright, I'm gonna stop there because that is a loaded statement. I looked up what it means to justify. Justification is the act, process, or state of being declared right with God. Well that right there shows the problem. Job kept trying to justify himself when we can't do that. Only God has the power, grace and mercy to do that. It also made me think about how often I do this myself. How often do I say, "Well I haven't done anything wrong recently so there has to be some other reason", when instead I should be saying, "God is a just and mighty God and he doesn't do things without a reason." I should be justifying his character which has been proven over and over again to be good and true instead of my own (which is not proven good all the time).

Let us move to verse 3 where it says, "He was also angry with the three friends, because they had found no way to refute Job, and yet had condemned him." I looked up the word condemned because I feel like it is a churchy word that we throw around a lot but never really see what it means. Condemnation is to declare guilty or conviction of guilt. Who are these friends of Job's to think that they have the right or power to condemn someone. Romans 2:1 says, " You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at what-ever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things." We are not the people who are to pass judgement. Who are Job's friends to think that they can understand why God does things. WE CAN'T UNDERSTAND THOSE REASONS!! It is just something we have to accept. Let the ultimate judge do the judging.

In verses 4-9 I have to give a lot of respect to Elihu for how he approaches the situation.

Now Elihu had waited before speaking to Job because they were older than he. But when he saw that the three men had nothing more to say, his anger was aroused. So Elihu the son of Bbarakel the Buzite said: "I am young in years, and you are old; that is why I was fearful, not daring to tell you what I know. I thought, 'Age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom.' But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding. It is not only the old who are wise, not only the aged who understand what is right.

Elihu starts off showing his respect to those who are older. He patiently waits his turn. He even says that he thought that because they were older, that they would have the wisdom that comes with age. But then he points out my favorite thing. It isn't age or experience that gives wisdom, although those things can give good insight. It is the Holy Spirit that gives wisdom. Only God can grant true insight into situations. I love that Elihu is a great representative of 1 Timothy 4:12 which says, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

I think that this part is really challenging for many reasons. Elihu doesn't discount what he thinks or this wisdom that he could offer just because of his age. I think many times that since I am in college and only 20 years old that I must only be able to help those who are my age or younger. But you know what? I can still give what wisdom the Lord has graciously given to me to those who are older. If we limit ourselves to only getting wisdom from those who are older, we will eventually run out of people because we ourselves will be the "wise old people". At the same time, I feel convicted about how often I think that freshmen that I know can't give me advise on a situation because they are younger. How foolish of me to think that. We are called to be humble. If godly advise is coming your way that matches up with Scripture, then why pick and choose based on an age factor. The Holy Spirit comes into all believers and if we lose the attitude that we need to be taught and listen, then we will miss out on important things that God wants to teach us. In the same aspect, if we don't give advise because we are fearful, we might miss out on an opportunity to help a fellow brother or sister out. 

So I think that this post is long enough and since I only got through the awesomeness that is chapter 32, I'll have to write another post about the actual advise Elihu gave. Be excited because it is awesome. It definitely rocked my quiet time :)

New Things

I am still searching my way through Job and I have found so much wisdom in it. This past weekend was the Servant Leadership Team Retreat for Navigators and it was a huge blessing. Friday night I had a great time with God that I shared with Morgan and want to share with you all.

Job has some friends that are trying to give him counsel about why he is suffering but they are wrong about the reasons why Job was suffering. Even though their advise didn't apply to Job at the time, a lot of it is really sound stuff.

Job 22:1-3
"Then Eliphaz the Temanite replied: 'Can a man be of benefit to God? Can even a wise man benefit him? What pleasure would it give the Almighty if you were righteous? What would he gain if your ways were blameless?"

Ok is anyone thinking what I am? Didn't God originally create us blameless? Aren't we meant to glorify and praise him? Well yes. We were originally created blameless but you know how well that worked out. And yes we are meant to glorify and worship him but God doesn't need us to do that. Creation and the angels sing to his glory. He doesn't actually need us for anything. But he chooses to let us be with Him, to partner with him in order to spread his kingdom. What an honor we have to get to work with Christ in furthering the gospel.

I love that it says not even a wise man can benefit God. We tend to think that the wiser we can get, the better use to God we can be. But God doesn't call the people who are the best at evangelism or the best at teaching. He calls the people who are imperfect because through our weaknesses his strength, power and glory are seen. Thank goodness for that too! Because I am not wise and strong and perfect. But God's wisdom is infinite, God's strength is the greatest, and God is holy.

As I continue through Job, I'll keep you updated. Hopefully these "wise guys" who are advising Job will get their act together and straighten out.

Suffering

I've been thinking about suffering a lot recently. In my quiet times, I have started reading Job and for those of you who have been blessed to read it, you know that Job suffered a lot. I am only in Chapter 3 but already Job has lost his children, his livelihood, and has been inflicted with painful sores all over his body.

My first reaction when I hear this is that he must have done something WAY wrong to deserve this but that's not the case. The only reason for this is to test Job because God has found him "blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." God even says to Satan, "...you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason." I mean woah! This is just as a test. Kind of like God bragging on Job saying that he could handle anything that Satan could throw his way and that God wants to prove it.

Job responds to the first test (taking away children and livelihood) by saying, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." I was asking myself if all of my family and my security was taken away, would this be my response? If I was completely stripped bare would God still be enough? Would I still praise Him or would I curse Him? I hope that I would still praise Him.

When Job is inflicted by painful sores all over his body his wife tells him to just curse God and die. This is someone that Job trusts but Job says " Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Job realizes that everything people tell you has to line up with God's message. We accept good and bad. Job understands that God is ultimately in control.

When both of these events happen, Job tells his friends in chapter 3 that he wishes that he never had been born. That this suffering is so great that he wishes it never happened and would go away. When I read this, I had to do a double take. Is this the same guy? The one who said that we accept both good and bad? The one who didn't sin in his response to suffering? How is this response not considered responding badly?

This is the conclusion I came to. It is not a sin when we wish that suffering would be taken from us. It's natural to want good things and not bad things. It is a sin when we try to control what happens and to curse God for what is happening. Even Jesus asks for his suffering to be taken away from him.

"Then he said to them, 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.' Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.'"

-Matthew 26:38-39

It is OK to ask for the suffering to be taken away as long as we submit ultimately to God's providence. We may not know why it is happening but we trust that God has good plans for us and is all knowing. I think it is nice that I know that when things are not going the way I want in my life and that I am suffering, God doesn't expect me to be happy go lucky and Ms. Sunshine. The only thing that God expects of me is that I "consider it joy when I face trials of many kinds" and that I trust in Him to know what He is doing.

Do I praise God in the storm or only in the sunshine? Does my faith stand this test? Do I keep my integrity in the face of suffering, persecution, and trials?

Beauty

Today I was listening to the radio while I was getting ready for my day. Nothing crazy, in fact a pretty normal occurrence. As I was listening though, a commercial came on for plastic surgery. It was talking about how it would look natural and didn't you want "to finally be happy with the way you look?" I was so struck by the message that they were sending all the women who would be listening. Didn't these women realize that no matter how many times you change things on the outside, the ultimate change had to be of the heart?

I'm not gonna lie. Beauty is a hard thing to come to term with when you are a Christian girl. When the world and Cosmo and everything around you is telling you that beauty is 5'10", long legged, skinny and tan it is impossible to believe you measure up. But the one thing that I do know is that the Lord delights in me.

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well. 

My frame was not hidden from you 

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

Psalm 139:13-16

Do these women realize that the Creator has created them perfectly, in his own image. That they are beautiful to him? I think as women it takes a long time and constant reminders to come to terms with this. For me it was when I read Psalm 45:11, 

"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord."

 Now in context the author is not talking about me and God. He is talking about Solomon and his wife but the Lord feels the exact same way about me. It's hard to imagine. The word enthralled comes from a greek word that I can't say but it means to crave or desire. Which is ultimately what most women want. It hurts me to think of all the times that I have looked at myself and said "God you didn't do a good enough job with me." Which is essentially what we are saying. I would never go up to Michaelangelo and say "Man you sure did do an awful job on the Mona Lisa." So why do I do that with God?

We are the Lord's masterpieces and its about time we start realizing it. Every time I think about how I wish I had red hair or that I was skinnier or was tanner, I am insulting the Creator. I love knowing that the King is enthralled by my beauty and that He delights in me. What a wonderful feeling. I just wish that more women knew it too.

I Remember

Today in my quiet time I have finally gotten around to studying Psalm 77 which Erin had been encouraging me to read through.

"I cried out to God for help; 

I cried out to God to hear me.

When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;

at night I stretched out untiring hands

and my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; 

I mused, and my spirit grew faint. 

You kept my eyes from closing;

I was too troubled to speak.

I thought about the former days,

the years of long ago;

I remembered my songs in the night.

My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

'Will the Lord reject forever?

Will he never show his favor again?

Has his unfailing love vanished forever?

Has his promise failed for all time?

Has God forgotten to be merciful?

Has he in anger withheld his compassion?'

Then I thought, 'To this I will appeal:

the years of the right hand of the Most High.'

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. 

I will meditate on all your works

and consider all your mighty deeds."

Psalms 77:1-12

So from this I made my own "I Remember" List. One that when satan was attacking and life was taking its toll that I could look and remember what God has done in my life that makes me know that God DOES keep His promises and He is PROVEN FAITHFUL.

I Remember...

When God worked in my Dad's life and transformed him.
When God was faithful in directing the path of what college to attend.

When God provided Bellino so that I could have a believer in my core group in high school. 

When God brought me Erin when I needed her the most.

When God provided for me with Calculus I and other school work.

When God taught me about His righteousness.

When God was there as my friend when my best friend deserted me.

When God was there as my comfort and rock when my heart was broken. 

When God blessed and provided me with an amazing co-PL in Lauren Face.

When God brought me not 1 but 2 disciples in Hannah and Katie.

When God directed in my path in transferring to MPH.

When God worked in Scott's life and began a transformation there. 

When God used me in Megan's life and has answered prayers there. 

When God has blessed me with a new found friendship in my sister Leah.

When God finally got through to me in how to treat my Mom.

When God provided me with the insight to love my brother Heath. 

When God calmed my fears about leading bible study and discipleship.

When God provided and directed my summer plans. 

Sometimes it amazes me that I could ever forget all that God has done in my life. At the same time it makes me a thankful person that God remembers me and loves me. That He pursues me and wants to have a relationship with me. That he DELIGHTS in me and finds me beautiful. That He is always there when I need to talk or get advise. I choose to remember what God has done in my life and to cling to the promises that he has made. 

Power of Prayer and Influence

Something that has been really encouraging me and weighing on my mind is the power that prayer and influence has. We are influenced by people but also we have an influence on people. 

This weekend I was at home and got time to spend with my best friend Megan Nicole Rull. We had so much fun hanging out and catching up but it was also an encouraging time. There were so many things that we talked about that was happening in her life that we had been praying would happen for such a long time. Some things we had been praying for 4 years to happen. Some things had been as recent as October or a phone conversation the week before. It was so neat to see how God was working in her life and the people that surround her daily. I should know about the power of prayer because of what the Word says about prayer. It is an opportunity to communicate with the creator. To intercede with the Ultimate Planner about what is on our hearts for people. The Bible has plenty of stories about how God answered their prayers and after talking to Megan, I can definitely give concrete examples of what God is doing in her life. I absolutely love it.

Also when Megan and I were hanging out she said something to me that really struck me. She told me about how much I had impacted her faith and her life. To me I was awestruck. I couldn't believe it. This was my best friend. Someone that I just lived life with who had seen me in all kinds of states of angry, sad, happy, whatever I was feeling. It had never occurred to me that the things that I said and did actually had an impact. That the advise that I had given as a friend was actually listened and taken to heart. 

I know that it may sound silly because when people talk, most people listen but it had just never been said to me in those terms. No one my age who I was not intentionally trying to impact had ever told me this. I love Megan so much for this. She also has impacted my life and I hope and pray that she knows it. I love her like a fat kid loves cake. :)

Matthew 5:13-16 talks about how we are the salt of the Earth and a light in a dark city. We were made to influence people and to have relationships with people. That we have an impact is a privilege. The opportunity to impact the Kingdom for Jesus. At the same time that we have this potential to impact for the good, we can also impact negatively. We should watch how we act so that when people look at us they see the Maker. 

Acts 24:16 says "So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man." 1 Peter 3:15-16 says "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander."

We should always be ready to be held accountable for our actions and the way we behavior is seen. Keeping what we do as an example to those who are watching us. It is very humbling and exciting all at the same time. I hope that when I stand before God, He says to me, "Well done my good and faithful servant." I hope that I make God proud in the way that I represent him as his ambassador to the world. 

True Friendships

So these past couple of days I have felt extremely convicted in my attitude and how I treat my friends and those relationships. I think recently I have been so confused about what true biblical friendship looked like and how to "spur one another on toward love and good deeds." [Hebrews 10:24].

I was reading a book that we are doing in our bible study and it talked about what biblical friendship looks like. This is what I learned.

1. Christian fellowship has God's glory as its goal.

      A lot of time I feel like I haven't been having God's glory as my goal in my friendships. My goal was to figure out how this person could make me feel better when I am down, or how they could help me. Sometimes this could be my goal in the moment but a lot of times I feel like I have been very selfish in my friendships. 

2. Biblical Fellowship is about discussing and sharing what God is teaching and doing in us. 

      I think that this something that I actually can do. I love to ask my friends what God is doing in their lives. Its so exciting to hear when God is moving and doing in other peoples lives, especially those closest to me. I think it was just a good reminder of what our conversations should be centered on; how we see God moving around us. 

3. My girl friends are one of the most important things

      Don't get me wrong. I am friends with a lot of guys but hanging with the girls is something that I sometimes feel like I can neglect. Guys will give me attention just because I am a girl or I can resort to flirting and joking. With the girls I have to be more real and open and honest with them. They hold me accountable, and encourage me in ways that my other friends can't. These are the friends that will last and grow forever. Even though they are sometimes harder and I have to work to keep them, they are where I can truly be comfortable and be myself.  

4. True friendship is in serving.

       I think one of the things I need to work on is thinking of how I can be a better friend for my friends. Sometimes I get really lazy and don't want to try to keep my friendships up. We are supposed to encourage one another and even when it is hard to keep at it. 

5. Grace

    I think that a lot of times I am harder on my Christian friends than I am on my non-Christian friends. With non-Christians I can't hold them to certain standards because they don't have the Spirit in them to guide them towards these and to convict them. But with my Christian friends, I set a higher standard and sometimes can come off as "high and mighty" which is normally not my intention at all. I think I need to learn how to have a little more grace with those that I love. Not saying that I should challenge them in their lives but to do it in a way that is glorifying to the Lord. My main goal should be to be humble around my friends but still communicate, encourage, and contribute to my friend's growth. 

In general I just think that intentionality in my friendships is something that I am going to have to make a priority. Because as Rob and I were talking about a couple of weeks ago, I can't let the urgent overcome the important. And my friendships are important.