Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,
"God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble."
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:5-7
This is my first post from STP 2012 and I'm excited to share with you what I am learning. Earlier this week, the Lord really broke me. I was so overwhelmed and stressed by everything that I felt was on my plate. I hadn't finished as much of bible study as I was supposed to. We are going through all of Romans inductively this summer which is about 3 chapters a week. I was so excited about it but overwhelmed as well. Then I kept hearing over and over again about everything I should do with my team or this week or today and I just broke down. I thought, "You haven't seen my schedule. You don't know what my life is like." I don't cry that often but in Bible Study that afternoon, I just shared and let the tears flow. I wasn't the only team leader who was feeling the pressure.
One of the most constant temptations that Satan uses against me is my desire to be perfect. I want to be a perfect friend, a perfect student, a perfect daughter, a perfect team leader, a perfect bible study leader, a perfect discipler. Well as we all know, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," [Romans 3:23]. I hate the idea of falling short. It makes me upset when I can't do something that I think should be in my grasp. A lot of it also stems from a lot of pride that is in my life and a desire for other's opinions to be good of me. After bible study, I just went back to my room, called my Dad and then cried it all out to my heavenly Father. How was I supposed to do it all? I couldn't do it anymore. I was so broken by my own inability to do what He has called me to do this summer. Why wasn't it working?
I love how God speaks to us. I heard Him gently say, "Lauren that is the point. You can't do it all on your own. You NEED Me." Wow. I heard that and felt so guilty. I had a pretty rough past year with school. I didn't do well academically and because of that, I no longer work for housing. I tried to do it all. I tried to be the perfect student, PL, and Navigator. Because of that I fell short is all of those areas. Sure I was an ok student, and ok PL, and an ok Navigator but it was all so hard for me. Leading bible study didn't come as easily. Passing tests was harder than ever before. I struggled to connect with the girls on my floor. I kept telling God that I was depending on Him but I wasn't. I was lying not only to myself but also to God and everyone around me, who may have though I had it all together. It took coming to STP as a Team Leader in order for me to finally hit bottom so that He could fill me up again with His living water.
My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water.
[Jeremiah 2:13]
For the past year, I have been trying to keep a broken cistern full by my own strength. It finally went empty. But the greatest part is, that God never gives up on me. In the same way that God never gave up on Israel, He will never leave me nor forsake. He always finds a way to bring me back to Him. To humble me in my pride and force me to recognize my need for Him. I have to be dependent on the Lord. Just as a sheep is completely dependent on the shepherd, so am I to be completely dependent on the Shepherd.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
Psalm 23 is the passage for all the Team Leaders this summer. I never realized how much I would need this psalm. My prayer for this summer is that this would be true. I hope that I will follow and submit to the Lord's will for my life. I want my cup to be overflowing from his abundance! He says that He will restore my soul. I can't wait for that process to begin!
