Just like that awkward first date...

I'm sure that you are very curious as to what this post could be about because of my title. Well it is actually about the importance of prayer. IF there is one thing that I wished I could be blessed with and something that I continually hope for is that I will one day greatly desire to pray. I could read scripture all day, but something about prayer doesn't come naturally to me. Eventually I hope it will be a part of me just like breathing, but for now it is something that I have to work at, to continually practice the discipline of because it is so rewarding.

It has been a long time up until tonight that I have truly prayed and sought to enter into the Lord's presence. Sure, I have scribbled a prayer in my journal when I felt obligated or guilty, or when something was really really wrong, but I have not wanted to converse with God. Over the summer, Deb Entsminger and Sam Hull really taught me a lot about prayer through example, but somewhere along the way, I started to forget the benefits and beauty of it. I recently told Erin about my difficulties in this area, which was something so difficult for me. There is so much apart of me that deeply values what other people think of me; I am a people pleaser. Erin is a prayer warrior, so it was difficult for me to tell her that I was struggling, that I wasn't this perfect Christian who always wanted to pray and seek after the Lord. It was hard to be vulnerable with her even after I had been so many times in past. And just like her answer to all of my life's questions and struggles, Erin said to me, "Lauren, you need to pray." She took me as I was and just told me to get it over with.

Well tonight I finally did. I decided I was going to get it over with and see if God really wanted to talk to me still after I had been ignoring His call for months. He did   :)   It felt like an awkward first date. It was like I couldn't remember how to pray or how to communicate with God. It was like speaking with your childhood best friend after not seeing each other for years. We know so much about each other, but I could not communicate. I was nervous and fidgety. I sat on my bed for a couple of minutes in just silence, just working up the courage to talk to God. I knew that if I didn't feel his presence, that I would be devastated. I finally broke the ice and started talking. It was like everything came flooding out; the dam had finally broken. I poured out everything that I had been keeping to myself, even those things that I hadn't admitted to myself yet.

It was so wonderful. To feel the Lord sweep over me and through me was a beautiful experience. It felt just like I was returning home. The initial first date awkwardness was over and out of it was a natural outpouring. Why I decided to fall out of contact with the Lord, I have no idea. All I know is that it was terrible. There is no worse thing, than to be separated from God. And nothing can separate us, but I had chosen to distance myself from the Lord. The good thing is though, He pulls us back into His welcoming arms. Prayer and constant communication with God is so important. I never want God to feel like a stranger or a first date, but like a life-long Friend, Father, Redeemer, Savior, King, and Lord.

A New Beginning...

So many of you know that I have finished my journey through the Old Testament. It has been a good 2 year long journey, where the Lord has taught me a lot. I am now moving into the New Testament. I have decided to read through the gospels and just soak in Christ.

Tonight when we were having a prayer and worship night at the pirate house, I started reading Matthew. I read the first 4 chapters and was totally amazed at how dense the New Testament is. Matthew 1 starts off with the genealogy of Christ. I was reading it and realized that only 5 times does it mentions who someone's mother was. Most of the time it is so and so the father of so and so. But occasionally it breaks from this and mentions the mother as well. This must mean that there was something spectacular about her. Something that made the historians realize that her story MUST be included and remembered. Hannah and I are starting to look through the women of the Bible in our 1-1's starting this week and what it looks like to be a woman of God. I think that these 5 women would be a great place to start.

1. Tamar 
2. Rahab
3. Ruth
4. "...whose mother had been Uriah's wife." or Bathesheba
5. Mary the mother of Jesus

I can't wait to dive into these with Hannah and see what the Lord will be teaching us.

"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew." Matthew 4:18\a

• I love that this says that Jesus was walking. Jesus did not sit on his butt and wait for his disciples to come and find him. He sought them out and found them. He looked for those that he wanted to follow him and was active in it. 

"They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen." Matthew 4:18b

• At first glance, this verse is very easy to skip over. The thing is though, this verse can tell us more about our identity and actions that any "How-To" book. This says that Peter and Andrew had their identity as fishermen. It is how they made their livliehood. It is was the were DEFINED by. What they were DEFINED by determined their ACTIONS. They were casting the net because they were fishermen. If we have our identity as a disciple of Christ, what actions prove that? As a student, I study. As a disciple of Christ, we should make disciples, love and forgive; to give the grace that has been given us. OUR IDENTITY DETERMINES OUR ACTIONS!

"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will send you out to fish for people." vs. 19

• Jesus doesn't play around. He is very upfront with what he is calling Peter and Andrew into. He doesn't say, "Come, follow me, so that I can turn you into someone who goes to church more or reads their bible more or can memorize a ton a scripture." While these things are good, he says my mission is to TRAIN you to MAKE MORE DISCIPLES. Jesus doesn't try to hide it or spring it on them after they are already too committed.

"At once they left their nets and followed him. Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John." vs 20-21a

• Jesus doesn't stop with Peter and Andrew. HE KEEPS GOING. You can't say that once you have made one disciple while you were in college or a young adult that you have completed your end of the bargain. It is a life mission, something that keeps on going. 

"They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets." vs. 21b

• Their identity as fishermen, not only determined their actions, but it DETERMINED THEIR LOCATION. These men were on a boat because that is where the fish were. As a student, you can find me at Georgia Tech, a college campus. As a disciple of Christ, you should find me in the darkness as a light to those around me. You shouldn't find me in my "holy huddle" of only Christian friends, but you should find me in the muck and grind looking for those that I can share the Good News with. We need Jesus to wash our feet because he expects us to get dirty in our travels to preach the Gospel. 

"Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him." vs. 22

• Do I immediately follow when God calls me to go somewhere or to do something? Most of the time I argue or ask questions to post-pone it. They didn't even gather anything. They didn't say goodbye to their father or mother. They IMMEDIATELY left what they were doing. They left their lives and everything that was familiar and comfortable to them. 

Essentially, this is what I have been learning and the observations that I have made. I was amazed to get all of that out of 4 verses. I'm excited to see where God will take me next.