Suffering

I've been thinking about suffering a lot recently. In my quiet times, I have started reading Job and for those of you who have been blessed to read it, you know that Job suffered a lot. I am only in Chapter 3 but already Job has lost his children, his livelihood, and has been inflicted with painful sores all over his body.

My first reaction when I hear this is that he must have done something WAY wrong to deserve this but that's not the case. The only reason for this is to test Job because God has found him "blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." God even says to Satan, "...you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason." I mean woah! This is just as a test. Kind of like God bragging on Job saying that he could handle anything that Satan could throw his way and that God wants to prove it.

Job responds to the first test (taking away children and livelihood) by saying, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." I was asking myself if all of my family and my security was taken away, would this be my response? If I was completely stripped bare would God still be enough? Would I still praise Him or would I curse Him? I hope that I would still praise Him.

When Job is inflicted by painful sores all over his body his wife tells him to just curse God and die. This is someone that Job trusts but Job says " Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Job realizes that everything people tell you has to line up with God's message. We accept good and bad. Job understands that God is ultimately in control.

When both of these events happen, Job tells his friends in chapter 3 that he wishes that he never had been born. That this suffering is so great that he wishes it never happened and would go away. When I read this, I had to do a double take. Is this the same guy? The one who said that we accept both good and bad? The one who didn't sin in his response to suffering? How is this response not considered responding badly?

This is the conclusion I came to. It is not a sin when we wish that suffering would be taken from us. It's natural to want good things and not bad things. It is a sin when we try to control what happens and to curse God for what is happening. Even Jesus asks for his suffering to be taken away from him.

"Then he said to them, 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.' Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.'"

-Matthew 26:38-39

It is OK to ask for the suffering to be taken away as long as we submit ultimately to God's providence. We may not know why it is happening but we trust that God has good plans for us and is all knowing. I think it is nice that I know that when things are not going the way I want in my life and that I am suffering, God doesn't expect me to be happy go lucky and Ms. Sunshine. The only thing that God expects of me is that I "consider it joy when I face trials of many kinds" and that I trust in Him to know what He is doing.

Do I praise God in the storm or only in the sunshine? Does my faith stand this test? Do I keep my integrity in the face of suffering, persecution, and trials?

Beauty

Today I was listening to the radio while I was getting ready for my day. Nothing crazy, in fact a pretty normal occurrence. As I was listening though, a commercial came on for plastic surgery. It was talking about how it would look natural and didn't you want "to finally be happy with the way you look?" I was so struck by the message that they were sending all the women who would be listening. Didn't these women realize that no matter how many times you change things on the outside, the ultimate change had to be of the heart?

I'm not gonna lie. Beauty is a hard thing to come to term with when you are a Christian girl. When the world and Cosmo and everything around you is telling you that beauty is 5'10", long legged, skinny and tan it is impossible to believe you measure up. But the one thing that I do know is that the Lord delights in me.

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well. 

My frame was not hidden from you 

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

Psalm 139:13-16

Do these women realize that the Creator has created them perfectly, in his own image. That they are beautiful to him? I think as women it takes a long time and constant reminders to come to terms with this. For me it was when I read Psalm 45:11, 

"The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord."

 Now in context the author is not talking about me and God. He is talking about Solomon and his wife but the Lord feels the exact same way about me. It's hard to imagine. The word enthralled comes from a greek word that I can't say but it means to crave or desire. Which is ultimately what most women want. It hurts me to think of all the times that I have looked at myself and said "God you didn't do a good enough job with me." Which is essentially what we are saying. I would never go up to Michaelangelo and say "Man you sure did do an awful job on the Mona Lisa." So why do I do that with God?

We are the Lord's masterpieces and its about time we start realizing it. Every time I think about how I wish I had red hair or that I was skinnier or was tanner, I am insulting the Creator. I love knowing that the King is enthralled by my beauty and that He delights in me. What a wonderful feeling. I just wish that more women knew it too.

I Remember

Today in my quiet time I have finally gotten around to studying Psalm 77 which Erin had been encouraging me to read through.

"I cried out to God for help; 

I cried out to God to hear me.

When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;

at night I stretched out untiring hands

and my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; 

I mused, and my spirit grew faint. 

You kept my eyes from closing;

I was too troubled to speak.

I thought about the former days,

the years of long ago;

I remembered my songs in the night.

My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

'Will the Lord reject forever?

Will he never show his favor again?

Has his unfailing love vanished forever?

Has his promise failed for all time?

Has God forgotten to be merciful?

Has he in anger withheld his compassion?'

Then I thought, 'To this I will appeal:

the years of the right hand of the Most High.'

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. 

I will meditate on all your works

and consider all your mighty deeds."

Psalms 77:1-12

So from this I made my own "I Remember" List. One that when satan was attacking and life was taking its toll that I could look and remember what God has done in my life that makes me know that God DOES keep His promises and He is PROVEN FAITHFUL.

I Remember...

When God worked in my Dad's life and transformed him.
When God was faithful in directing the path of what college to attend.

When God provided Bellino so that I could have a believer in my core group in high school. 

When God brought me Erin when I needed her the most.

When God provided for me with Calculus I and other school work.

When God taught me about His righteousness.

When God was there as my friend when my best friend deserted me.

When God was there as my comfort and rock when my heart was broken. 

When God blessed and provided me with an amazing co-PL in Lauren Face.

When God brought me not 1 but 2 disciples in Hannah and Katie.

When God directed in my path in transferring to MPH.

When God worked in Scott's life and began a transformation there. 

When God used me in Megan's life and has answered prayers there. 

When God has blessed me with a new found friendship in my sister Leah.

When God finally got through to me in how to treat my Mom.

When God provided me with the insight to love my brother Heath. 

When God calmed my fears about leading bible study and discipleship.

When God provided and directed my summer plans. 

Sometimes it amazes me that I could ever forget all that God has done in my life. At the same time it makes me a thankful person that God remembers me and loves me. That He pursues me and wants to have a relationship with me. That he DELIGHTS in me and finds me beautiful. That He is always there when I need to talk or get advise. I choose to remember what God has done in my life and to cling to the promises that he has made.